Not only that, but you can’t even imagine what it would be like not to classify people this way.
Sex has greater consequences for women than it does for men, both biologically and sociologically. Women who have large numbers of sex partners are considered sluts while men are considered studs. Heck, even women with low numbers of sex partners are sometimes called “whores” and “sluts” after rejecting men. Biologically, some STIs have a greater impact on women than they do on men (not even to speak of the social consquences) and the burden of pregnancy overwhelmingly falls on the female. Not too mention the fact that sex for the first time can be painful for the female.
Even though I have a sex drive higher than that of most men, I did not lose my virginity until I turned 21 because of a combination of biological and sociological factors. Although I am pro-choice I never want to get an abortion and to avoid ending up in that situation, I only wanted to have sex with a girl or a guy that I had a committed relationship with where I felt comfortable enough to risk the dangers of a pregnancy with. I am not attracted to most women and the women that I did have crushes on ending up being straight or identified as such back then. There were a few males that I was interested in but until I turned 21, either there wasn’t mutual attraction or he came on too fast and too hard and I didn’t feel comfortable being with him sexually. I was raised to expect sex to come with marriage and, although I gave up the idea of marriage, I still wanted love before sex.
When I finally felt ready, it was with a boy that I was insanely in love with, and more importantly, incredibly sexually attracted to. It was an amazing experience and I am glad to have shared it with him. I was worried that it would hurt but he was very gentle and kind. He was so gentle, that I didn’t technically lose my virginity until later. It did hurt, but it was worth it.
For some reason I’m getting the feeling you think this is a bad thing. It isn’t, anymore than classifying people by whether they’re hard workers or Star Trek fans is – all these things give you useful, if sometimes falliable, information about a person which may be important to decisions-making w/r/t that person. Especially in the case of virginity (i.e., a characteristic defining a person’s past sexual behavior) when one of the decisions the hypothetical “you” is making is whether you want to have/pursue sex with her. Not trying to intuit her behavior based on her adult virginity would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.
–Cliffy
OK, I’m someone who actually has real experience with this.
My wife was a 36-year-old virgin when when we met just a few years ago.
So maybe I can dispell some of the myths about older virgins that have been spread in this thread, at least in regards to her:
She’s not very religious.
She wasn’t “saving herself”. She simply hadn’t met any guys she really liked. Admittedly, she pretty much never dated. We were introduced by a mutual friend.
Apart from that one quirk, she’s totally a beautiful, normal, fun-loving, easy-to-be-with, intelligent woman. Obviously, or I wouldn’t have married her.
Oh, and she has no hang-ups about sex at all – she loves it, and really gets into it!
just a BTW because someone is a virgin it doesn’t mean they don’t have a clue what sex is , or how to “perform”…
Had the same thing happen to me (no police, though). Somewhere along the line, before I ever got involved, the gears in her head had shifted from “I want the next guy I sleep with to be the one I’ll spend my life with” to “I want to spend my life with the next guy I sleep with.”
It’s a moot point now, but I’d be wary of a 30+ virgin just based on past experience.
I think the key word is wife.
There’s no way, at this point in my life, that I’d even entertain the notion of having sex with a 30 year-old male virgin because I’m not prepared to make a rest-of-life commitment.
I’d run screaming if a guy said to me ‘Well I just never met anyone I liked enough to have sex with.’
What you found to not be a problem is a big warning bell for someone else.
And then, 100 was considered old to still be a virgin.
The sad thing is, this is likely one of the reason’s they’ve STAYED a virgin this whole time. They’re worried that the stigma of being a virgin at IS going to get them a negative response from perspective partners.
In my case:
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I come from a culture where virginity is prized. Not as in “you must save yourself for marriage” but “it’s nice when your first time with your boyfriend is the first time for both”. There’s also a contradictory tendence of “ohmygawdhowcanyoubeavirginat15” but that’s mostly teen mags.
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Too many guys who wouldn’t use a rubber. Sorry, I do not have sex without a rubber. Specially with some guy I just met at a club.
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In my home town, the get-a-boyfriend process had been ridiculously complicated by the teens themselves. I had courses to pass, a bedridden mother and two little brothers to feed, couldn’t be bothered with all those hoops and loops.
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A ridiculous amount of guys who assumed I HAD to be “taken”, either because I wasn’t anxiously grinning at anything with trousers on or because “you’re too hot to not have a boyfriend” :smack:
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A couple times that could have become boyfriends or one-night stands but something went awry; both times as a consequence of the stupid loops and hoops.
One of them: after making out in a club for over one hour (that was some interesting gymnastics), period in which I initiated several of the “steps forward” (first time he’d been with a girl who raised his shirt first instead of making a ruckus when he tried to raise hers), our friends decided it was time to move on to the next one. While we were going, he told me he’d have to go by 3am, since he had a soccer match next morning. I said “oh, ok, so that gives us…check watch two more hours!” He: “uh… you’re ok with that?” “yeah. Kick some butt at the match by the way :)” “you’re not going to make a scene” “nooooo”.
He left at 8am, having spent the last 7 hours saying “oh my god you’re wonderful I’ve never met a girl like you”, didn’t even kiss me again until the bybye cheek kisses… and broke his ankle at the match :smack:
So what the fuck should I have done? Like my cousin, who bought the ohmygodhowcanyoubeavirgin and celebrated her 15 Bday by going to his car with some dude who fell asleep on top of her? Her words later: “I’m told it gets better with time and practice… sure hope so, because if that’s all there is to it, it’s a wonder anybody was born!”
My grandmother was a seamstress. Young, pretty, independent, surrounded by other young, pretty seamstresses who had “white horses” (gift-giving gents) or were looking for them; she claims to have rejected many an offer to introduce her to some guy who was interested in spending time with her; these other girls would keep telling her she had to “get her act going before she got too old”. Then she met gramps, and as she puts it “for 21 years I had no interest in sex; then I suddenly did, and we got married”. This was at a time when the average age for brides, country-wide, was 15. They’ve been married for over 70 years, but that’s basically because they both got Li-ion batteries…
I know this is an old thread, but I can’t believe some people’s ignorance. it’s ridiculous that anyone would write someone off because of experiences, or lack of experiences, that they had before even meeting you. you don’t know them, their situations, or what led them to be virgins. It’s very foolish to make assumptions.
I’m almost 30 and a virgin, and it was a combination of factors, not including a low sex drive, extreme moral views, etc. I am super introverted, have always out school and career first, and on top of it all was dealing with OCD and depression for years. I’ve had other things on my plate to deal with other than worrying about getting laid.
We already have a poll and discussion on this topic here.
Man, this is the only chance I’m gunna get to ask Dopers … would you date a 30 year old zombie virgin ?
She didn’t care about my body, she was only after my brain.
I’m years late to this thread, but…
…that’s an astoundingly good pick-up line.
This will come as a surprise, but a number of men will not in fact view “a combination of lack of interest in sex and low-grade mental illness” as reasons to not find someone’s virginity alarming - even if the person does care enough about the subject to revive a conversation that died down eight years ago, and in which some participants are banned, have left the board, or may even have died, to offer their thoughts on the matter.