You forgot rule 4: Don’t yell “YEEHAW” while banging your dick against the side of the urinal to get the last drops out.
I always stand next to someone, stare at their penis and then ridicule its size, ask them if they’d like me to pop round and sexually satisfy their wife or G.F while farting loudly.
NOW I find that this sort of behaviour is frowned on.
People are so bloody sensitive.
It depends on where I am. If I’m at work, I use a stall instead of the second (of two) urinals. If I’m at a bar, they’re usually spaced further apart so it’s OK to saddle up. If I’m slightly drunk and think the other guy is to, and there’s something to talk about like the game on TV or the poker tournament we’re playing in, then it’s OK to make some brief small talk about that topic. “I’m not catching any card tonight,” “Man, that’s a lot of strikeouts,” or something like that. At a concert or other stadium function, you better use the urinal as soon as it comes open, lest you piss off the rest of the line that’s trying to get back to their seat before kickoff. You can’t chit-chat then, because you’re on a timer. Get in, get out.
Never, EVER look at the other guy, though.
He has “Shy Bladder Syndrome”! I know because I coined the term “Shy Anus Syndrome” since I have issues with shitting whenever there is someone in the bathroom with me.
Though usually I just kick my mom out the bathroom and lock the door! 
Sure the gay seat is kind of stupid but who cares. I use it quite a bit. If the theater is empty, why not have the extra comfort?
Plus, what if we both go for the same armrest and accidentally touch?
This is generally correct, but there is an exception to the adjacency minimization rule. In a men’s room with a long row of urinals, say five or more, if you go in and there’s just one guy and he’s using the first urinal, you don’t use the last urinal, you use the last-but-one urinal. Using the absolute last urinal is a tacit acknowledgment that you noticed the guy, which is a no-no. If you use the last-but-one urinal, you get as much separation as is possible without drawing attention to yourself.
The last-but-one exception cannot be stated without diluting its effectiveness, because if “everyone knew” you should use the last-but-one urinal, doing so would again become a tacit acknowledgment of the other guy’s presence, so you’d instead have to use the last-but-two urinal. Obviously, this process could continue to the point that the general adjacency rule would be nullified.
On the other hand, maybe next time I’ll just go around back and piss behind a tree.
“It’s deep, too” is the correct response.
And, if you shake it more than twice, you are really just playing with yourself.
None of those are in any way “proper urinal etiquette”, they are silly assed shit made up by prissy homophobes. 
I also consider not flushing, it depends. It is a huge waste of water.
If circumstances allow without too much inconvenience, I’ll use a non-adjacent urinal, because there’s basically no reason not to. But, for instance, in the most-used restroom in my department, there are three urinals: One low to the ground for small boys on the left, then two at normal height. If there’s already someone at the rightmost one, I’ll take the middle one rather than the kid one. And if it’s a choice between taking an adjacent urinal or waiting, then I’ll definitely take an adjacent one.
As for the “no talking” rule, that one doesn’t seem to exist at all around here. There’s no in-depth conversation (in-depth conversations between physicists generally involve a whiteboard or a computer), but things like “Hey, Joe, did you get a response to that e-mail?”, or “Do you have time to meet this afternoon?”, or the like, or just a “Hello”, happen all the time.
“No eye contact”, so far as I can tell, is more of a practicality than a rule. We both have better things to be watching, like where we’re aiming.
I believe you accidentally posted the wrong video to demonstrate urinal etiquette.
And I suppose touching is out of the question as well? :rolleyes: