Based on Shagnasty’s comment’s, misrepresenting yourself as “divorced” when you’re really “separated” is a different story. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated, but I’m generally operating under the assumption of two single people on a first date where any discussion of “marriage” or “exclusiveness” is premature.
I don’t know. I still like dressing well and taking care of my appearance. But the guys I am thinking about kind of take it to a different level. It’s important for them to constantly name drop whatever club or restaurant or hot spot they went to or how hot the girl they dated was. Some of Shagnasty’s comments reminded me of that.
There will be some type of relationship if we go out multiple times but full disclosures aren’t required or even recommended before you go out in the first place because they rarely work out like you assume they will. My profiles are long, accurate and detailed. I put a lot of work into them and they attract a lot of people of very different quality.
It is the job of the other person to actually read profiles closely and that is surprisingly uncommon. I do read other people’s closely before I respond I generally stay away from women whose goal is to have their own kids and a close family relationship soon.
Most of them fizzle out before the first date anyway for lots of reasons. It is mainly a numbers game and it is a game.
I did get a promising new one tonight. She is a very attractive 35 year old single mother that doesn’t want a father replacement or vice-versa. She just wants an activity partner and some romance. She contacted me first and was very responsive until she had to go to bed. There is a decent chance that we will do something together. It isn’t that hard to figure these types of things out once you have done it countless times.
I’m the same age as you. Looks like I need to keep up the weight loss and date younger. (My skin I’ve taken care of; I don’t think it looks 47. It shouldn’t, it’s certainly been pampered enough.)
My husband is commonly mistaken for his early 20s, and he recently went for a haircut where a woman suggested he must be a recent graduate (high school? college? She legitimately made a comment like, ‘‘I bet you’ll get lots of dates’’ in the presence of his wife.) It was cute at first, but I look more or less my own age and at some point we’re going to start getting nasty stares. He now has a little tuft of grey hair, which helps, but he’s basically Italian Michael J. Fox.
True story: my mother went partly grey in her late 20s. My dad always insisted he liked the look, so she didn’t color it.
One day, my dad dropped in to her work, to give her some keys she had forgotten at home. They were the same age, but dad looked incredibly youthful - he retained a schoolboy look into his 30s, judging by his pictures.
One of the customers, watching my dad dropping off the keys, said (when he had gone) something like: “It’s so nice that your son took the trouble to drop off your keys! So helpful to his mother.”
Apparently, not sarcastically. That was when my mom decided to start coloring her hair.
This is an idle observation rather than a critique but it’s worth noting that the “psycho hosebeast” in Wayne’s World was played by Lara Flynn Boyle who is not an unattractive woman. The term had much more to do with the fact that the character was a crazy obsessed stalker who refused to accept that the relationship was over, not that she was ugly. I’m just saying.
I’m pretty much the same: a conventionally attractive woman who is shallow or stupid is an immediate turnoff, while someone less conventionally beautiful but smart, interesting and funny will automatically pique my interest (hypothetically speaking, of course - I’m happily married to a woman who is smart, interesting, funny, beautiful and incidentally older than me).
I think you guys are really just looking for reasons to attack shag at this point. Unless shagnastys coworker is borat I don’t see anything other than the second statement being what was meant.
Malthus, my hair has yet to go grey (I’m a blonde so I’m probably going to get a little lenience in that regard) but I’ll be watching. I think his greying hair is actually a benefit because clients tend to take him more seriously as a result. As a psychologist, he’s had problems, especially with older clients, asking, ''Are you sure you’re old enough to be doing this?"
Is there a “separated” option in such profiles? Because from my point of view, there’s a much larger difference between “married” and “separated” than between “separated” and divorced".
Lacking such a distinction, I wouldn’t fault the woman for writing “divorced” rather than “married” when she’s in fact separated. And there’s no way a profile mentioning “married” could attract the people an effectively single woman could be interested in. I would do exactly that myself in this situation, and then explain my specific situation after we’ve been in touch, as she did.
By the way, the link to the study on age preferences in men and women has been an eye opener to me. I knew of course that most men preferred younger women, but I had no clue it was that universal, and that their preferences were so massively for women that much younger (basically, regardless of their own age, all men have a preference for 20-23 yo women).
I believed that I was more “shallow” than the majority from this point of view, but it seems that I’m in fact rather less.
One of my nieces is now a M.D. and she looks like she’s barely out of high school. I didn’t ask her, but I can’t help wondering every time I see her if any of her patients manage to take her seriously and how she deals with that.
I’m not there to hear him respond, but it sounds like he says something like, ‘‘Let me tell you a little bit about my qualifications…’’ basically taking the emphasis off of his age and putting it where it belongs (the fact that he’s qualified to do his job.)
This is a skill a lot of therapists have. Skepticism of their qualifications, for all kinds of reasons, is common. I very briefly did clinical therapy as a graduate school social work intern, and they put me in charge of the parenting skills class. Me being in my 20s, the most common question was ''Do you have any kids, and if not, who the hell are you to tell me how to raise mine?" (These were people court mandated to be in the program or else they would lose their children.) I was taught that the best response wasn’t to answer the question directly but to get at the root of the concern, ''Are you qualified?"
I suspect medical doctors would get the same sort of training.
No, what is irrelevant is your detailed analysis concluding, quite shockingly, that Shagnasty has not reported on the response of a woman - who Shagnasty has not yet asked out - to him asking her out. As I said, your analysis isn’t wrong. It’s just irrelevant since it’s conclusion is obvious and leads nowhere.
Let’s face it if Shagnasty had posted anything that implied he did know anything about the likely response of the woman in question to him asking her out, you would then have attacked him for being arrogant and making assumptions about people.
(My skin I’ve taken care of; I don’t think it looks 47. It shouldn’t, it’s certainly been pampered enough.)