Well, that was easy. I just got a firm date with a very attractive young 30 something. I wasn’t even going to respond to her because she seemed too far away but it turns out that her sister and niece are literally a one minute walk away just by a freak coincidence. That is what I mean by not assuming anything based on profiles alone. She is very nice and we talk daily now. The first real date is this coming weekend. Thanks to everyone that pointed out the obvious and told me to adjust my age preferences down to what I actually want.
My guess is that for most people who actually seriously want to date much younger, the upkeep (and the drama, which someone mentioned earlier) is a feature, not a bug. I.e. they want someone they can take care in a quasi-parental way. Likewise I’d guess most people who make a habit of dating much older people are looking for a sort of substitute father or mother figure (or at the very least, prefer taking an emotionally / intellectually / financially etc. subordinate role in relationships), and that’s irrespective of gender.
There are variants of this which are legal, in the US. I have a friend who used to date rich guys in exchange for money (for all I know she still does, she lives in a different city now so we haven’t talked in person for a couple years).
I have been experimenting with this idea since I created the OP. I have been on multiple dates but the interesting thing is that the mediocre women are the most picky. I took one to an art museum yesterday and we were having a good time until she claimed she had to leave with no warning. I didn’t do anything wrong. She was perfectly nice otherwise but needs to hit the treadmill a little more and finish her college degree if she wants to be with me. Unfortunately, I am next door neighbors with her sister due to a freak coincidence so we are going to have to hang out at the pool at some point.
I was a little bummed about that until I woke up this morning to messages from one of the hottest 42 year olds I have ever seen. I talked to her on the phone for an hour this afternoon and we are going out next weekend. She makes Jennifer Aniston look like a gimp and is well traveled.
The odd thing is that the really high earning beautiful women are easier to get than the average ones. I I think most people just don’t hit on them.
Yes, I can’t imagine what you could possibly have done or said that night have put her off.
You smooth talker, you.
This sounds like a variant on what Terry Pratchett called the “Jerk Syndrome”:
Attractive, classy women are intimidating and most men will assume that such a woman will consider them to be out of her league and reject them out of hand, and thus don’t try. As a result, they are only approached by the extremely confident (or the extremely clueless/delusional) and thus will end up with such a person by default (unless they make the first move, of course). It’s a good thing to remember when considering approaching such a person.
There is probably something to that. My Manhattan girl that contacted me is as sweet as can be and also a literal former Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model. We write back and forth all the time and she will definitely go out with me when she is back in the area. I won’t even hit on her because I like her too much and don’t want to screw anything up. At a certain level of ridiculous attractiveness, my virtual big brother instincts kick in.
I took a shot at the newest Rhode Island by way of Virginia girl never expecting to hear anything back but she did reply and was more than willing to move quickly. We have a lot in common so I will have to see where that goes this weekend. I have to amend my initial claim because she is hotter than hell, over 40, and ambitious. I guess it just takes the right one.
The thing I find most odd is that there is almost no correlation between how hot a woman is and her willingness to go out with me. The uneducated, semi-ugly ones are just as hard to get as the beautiful, educated ones. I really wish I realized that sooner. There is no need to be stuck in economy when first class is the same price.
I will generally accept a request to meet from most guys I meet online unless there is a clear indication that we aren’t compatible or some major red flags. This is because a)Shag is right, to a certain point it is a numbers game b)some guys suck at writing profiles so might be cooler than he appears and c)some guys have awesome written game but in person bore me senseless. And the only way to find any of this out is to meet. So far, I haven’t met anyone who wowed me in person, even if their written game was was pretty solid.
It’s stats, Shaggy. I say that as a higher-than-average earner and a not-bad-looker (though not up to your standards, LOL).
A woman’s in her 40s and is beautiful and has a high-earning or high-prestige job. Let’s look at her pool of possible dates.
Remove:
[ul]
[li]Married and otherwise committed men. [/li][li]Gay men. [/li][li]Men who want a woman with less education than they have. [/li][li]Men who want a woman younger than they are. [/li][li]Men who want to be the high-earning partner. [/li][li]Men who want a woman who will look after the kids and be the default parental unit when things happen like the kids gets sick at school and needs to go home.[/li][/ul]
And we haven’t even gotten to the woman’s preferences yet!
Honestly, it’s tedious, and it’s a reason a lot of women just say “screw it” and don’t put themselves out there anymore. After rotten date number 5,000-something last week, I found myself wondering if the relationship with my intended was the last one of its kind for my lifetime. A bit depressing, really.
I guess that’s just the price you pay for dating Christie Turlington.
That’s funny - I was just saying the same thing to my wife, Morgan Fairchild.
Rotten dates must be going around. After my last one, I have started pondering bring a kitchen timer with me and saying “If by the time this goes off, we are not engaged in an actual conversation, I’m leaving”. I told a guy friend of mine this, who I met through online dating, and his response was to do it! And if I go in with fairly low expectations and they still aren’t met, it is extra depressing.
I’m actually considering corresponding with some of the ‘ethical non-monogamy’ guys since I’m not looking for a marriage…
It’s possible she could tell you saw her as mediocre and noped right on out of there because of that. All it takes is a certain glance, a certain expression on your face, or a certain comment you made that told on your true feelings.
Seconded. In my experience, high-quality people wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought of them as “mediocre” based on things as superficial as a single person’s standard of hotness and a lack of some bullet-point on the resume.
I am not running a Meals on Wheels charity for undereducated, less than attractive women. The purpose of these dates isn’t community outreach. I actually like everyone I have been out with except for two and I would be happy to be friends with them. I treat them like they are the most important person in the world while we are there. It is fine if it doesn’t lead to anything more but I expect some degree of reciprocity and grace. Also, don’t wear flipflops to an art museum or a fancy restaurant and don’t be late for no reason. I have had that happen twice including this past weekend. I planned, made an effort and showed up on time. So should they. I don’t do entitled women that greatly overestimate their worth. I have found that the ones that have it together in all ways don’t behave that way so I will just aim for those from now on.
How do you feel about entitled men who greatly overestimate their worth?
Yes, you don’t have to date jerks, or women you’re not attracted to. That’s not what I’m saying. If someone is late feel free to not date them again.
It’s just that the language you use to describe women leans towards “women are objects/prizes” and away from “women are people”, and if you actually want to date women of high character, they might also pick up on this and be less likely to be favorably inclined to you.
You’re describing women that aren’t for you for various reasons as somehow lower in quality, or “entitled women that greatly overestimate their worth” or “mediocre”. Whether you intend it as such or not, that’s misogynistic (and/or incredibly arrogant) language, IMO. If you want to say that a potential date wasn’t for you, than say she wasn’t for you. She’s not “mediocre” – she just wasn’t for you for whatever reason.
I don’t have much of an opinion because I don’t play that side of the field but I am moderately for it. I spent too much of my life being a respectful wallflower like my mother raised me to be. That was some of the worst advise I could have ever gotten even though it sounds right in theory. Most women can’t articulate what they really want very well (see the runaway success of 50 Shades of Grey). It works much better just to be direct and ask for what you want. You may not always get it but you will often enough as opposed to the deferential approach.
It is dating, not a virtue contest. They are “objects” at some level and so am I. I am interested in a lot more than looks but that is still a primary filter. Almost everyone feels and acts that way besides Harold and Maude. Otherwise, you would see all kinds of bizarre combinations except that rarely happens unless money is involved.
That is baffling. Not enough cologne, maybe? Too many shirt buttons buttoned? My God, please tell me you wore a medallion!
Again, you’re misreading me – by all means, don’t date people you don’t find attractive. I’m just saying that doesn’t make them “mediocre”, or “entitled women that greatly overestimate their worth”, or some other negative descriptor. It just means they’re not for you. When you describe them as you have been, you’re making yourself look bad, and maybe some of the women you date are picking up on this kind of thing.
But if you have no desire to look at yourself and consider that maybe you could be better, then feel free to ignore this.