Seriously! How many times does this same question have to be asked and answered? :smack:
No they don’t, but they have a lot to do with whether you would like to date them.
By the way, intelligence is just as superficial a quality (in the sense that it’s about as much an accident of birth) as looks. Neither one has much to do with character or worth as a person.
None of this disputes anything I’ve said here.
And yet you are judging him.
Judging his words, yes. I have no problem with the concept of judgment in general.
I like the honesty.
For the millionth time, it’s about his objectification of women.
It’s a date. People are being judged. That’s how all this works. Ranking or rating a date is not objectification. Now calling someone a hosebeast is immature and rude. That I’ll give you.
Would you date Shagnasty?
I have a rule that if we can’t chat for five minutes on the phone, I won’t go on the date. General chat, nothing deep. Nothing detailed. Nothing that’s 2:30 am “We’re high and let’s talk like we’re in college” kind of talk. Just conversation.
Still not what we’re talking about.
For the record, I didn’t call anyone I have dated a hosebeast. That comment was about men that stay married to them for a long time. When I wrote that, I was only thinking of a couple of examples that I know personally. If I introduced you to them, I promise you that you would understand right away.
It would click, “Oh THAT is a hosebeast!. It all makes sense now”. It has nothing to do with looks at all. It is about attitude and the way they treat everyone including their husbands. One in particular is extremely wealthy, I used to work with her closely and is one of the most casually abusive and abrasive people I have ever met (think Leona Helmsley level). Her husband is one of the sweetest, most successful and most generous people I know. I have no idea how they have stayed married all these years or why.
The worst I called any of my dates in general is “mediocre” which I hardly think is a scathing condemnation.
So, it’s not offense at dates being compared?
No. As has been explained it’s the specific choice of words that are particularly demeaning to the women who do not meet his personal expectations. For example a woman he doesn’t think is pretty enough isn’t “his type”, she’s “mediocre”. Someone else might think she’s delightful and not mediocre at all, so it’s not about her qualities but his expectations. And yet she’s the one labeled as falling short.
It’s not about having preferences
It’s not if he’s not attracted to certain women
It’s not if he realizes that a particular woman just doesn’t do it for him.
Someone that shows up at an art museum late for no reason other than simple irresponsibility in flipflops to look at Monet paintings is “mediocre” by any standard. The lack of college degree and general lack of intelligence and class are just a bonus. I tried to be as nice and accommodating as I could but you can’t fix it in a couple of hours. The capper was that she told me she didn’t want to “settle”. Settle for what? You are a big-boned mother of two that is undereducated that scored a date well above your class because she contacted me and insisted over the course of days. I fell for it because she has a pretty face and a lot of out of date photos. I am an optimist and actually try.
Have you ever been to Wal-Mart? That is the type of thing that I want to avoid again so I am going to have to revise my screening process. I don’t mean to sound bitter because I am not. I actually really enjoyed the museum and never would have gone there if not for her but I probably would have been better off by myself. That is the reason I insist on picking the venue or at least let them choose among a selection of them. Even if the date fails, I still get something out of it.
It is no big loss though. My new Rhode Island girl is closer to my age and a very close match. I am actually try to make a connection with her this coming weekend rather than just go through the motions. We have a date scheduled for Sunday and it should be fun. Wish me luck. It only takes one or two. I am not trying to impress every woman in the world. It is all about quality.
Are you aware you can not be compatible with a particular woman without denigrating her?
OK, I was somewhat sympathetic above and tried to defend you against some the criticisms, but I’m going to retract that defence.
Yes, but it is all about context. Still though, being late for no reason is not excusable and it shows lack or respect for other people’s time and poor etiquette. She admitted to me that she does that to everyone. That is a non-starter because I will be where I will say I be when I say I will be there down to the second unless there is a major natural catastrophe and I don’t tolerate people that view it otherwise. I get in trouble at work if I am late to any meeting by more than 30 seconds.
The complication with her is that she lives 30 miles away but her sister is my next door neighbor and we share some facilities including a pool. I met her online and it is a freak coincidence but we are going to have to hang out again at some point whether we like it or not. I think I made amends by sending her a message saying that I had a good time and would be happy to do a garden walk we talked about that I am interested in. However, it is hard to figure out anyone’s game without truly know what they are thinking and they will never tell you even if asked.
As I said earlier, dating is a game and I have a running contest with 5 coworkers but we are all playing different versions. Two of them are focusing on volume of traditional dates, two others are focusing on the most sexual partners and I am focusing on pure quality. Those are very different goals. We meet during lunch to compare pictures and messages. I destroy all of them in quality but they beat the shit out of me in volume. The others are completely indiscriminate in who they will go out with or sleep with. The top one gets several a week mainly because he has no standards whatsoever but there is always a line waiting outside the door if that is your thing (that is certainly not my thing). I have seen the pics and I am not even sure how he even gets it up for most of them but he loves them in their grand totality so God bless him. I don’t think I could volunteer for that type of mission work.
I have to focus on the total package. That includes looks but lots of other things as well. It is rare but not non-existent and I can get them if I try hard enough.
That is fine and I can understand that. All I doing in this thread is sharing my internal thought process and what I believe is true for a whole lot of other men and probably women too. I don’t think it is unique in the least. I would never say anything like I am sharing here to the person in question. I would just be polite and try to make the best of it.
I think that applies to most people in many different types of situations. You can control your behavior but you can’t really control your underlying thoughts. I know I have despicable ones and wish that I didn’t but, let’s face facts, that is never going to be the case. I just have to moderate them and express them is the most polite way possible in person just like everyone else. What you read here is the raw data that triggers those decisions. It is fairly rare for people to be truly honest about that.
Well, I don’t have any issue with thinking or stating that person x isn’t a good match for you. But it does seem something out of a B movie to actually have a dating contest past the mid 20s.
Holy shit, you have no idea how truely disgusting that was. And btw, mind posting one of your pictures? Just so we have something to compare.