But not unfortunately based on any facts other than those that brujaja made up out of her own head. I for one have gone a great many years most certainly not knowing any girls I could “probably” or even “plausibly” score with at any given time, never mind the extenuating circumstances… and quite frankly, why we should have to say “Well, the malodorous obese bipolar married 70-year-old attention whore down the road would possibly let me jump her if I asked really nicely, so it’s not like I haven’t got sex on demand really” quite escapes me, almost to the point of finding it an offensive imputation.
I for one have never viewed getting sex on the first date - on the rare times it’s happened - as any bar to a relationship. Indeed, I’ve generally been so desperate for a relationship that I was quite unrealistically optimistic about my one-night-stand/relationship conversion chances. The girl who puts out on the first date may well prove to have issues, but that’s not to say that the girl who won’t doesn’t, and based on my limited sampling I’d have to say that she who’s in no hurry to have sex basically isn’t all that keen on sex.
For me though, if sex is offered it isn’t because I pushed for it. I have weird ideas about being a gentleman, maybe. I defer gratification as well. VD, unwanted pregnancies, yeah.
But I think when you take all the lesser causes away, it comes down to this: it’s too much too fast. I’m not knocking others who don’t feel that way but I know myself.
That’s fair enough. And in that case, it’s probably clear from what you’re doing on the date that physical stuff isn’t meant to ensue. And I’ll concede that the dating life for a twenty something year old is very different from that of an older person (less fending off physical advances and more time talking about actual topics).
A very long time ago (I’m an old married fart) I took a co-worker home from an office party. We “hooked up” as the kids say these days, and it was the beginning of a relatively long and mutually satisfactory relationship.
A few months in, though, I recalled that another co-worker had also taken my Lady Fair home from a different, previous, office party. “So I asked…say, uh, you remember that night Ron took you home from the Christmas party? Did you…uh…” and she admittedly, without any evasion, that yes they did do the nasty.
And I kinda shrugged it off. My girlfriend’s a slut. Ok. No big deal.
I think this scene from black snake moan pretty much sums it up…
He pours Rae a glass of water and returns to her side.
LAZARUS:(offering her the glass) Didn’t mean to go off on a tear like I did. I just got to thinkin’ about things…
Rae leans up into his face. The glass of water is touching her chest. Laz remains hypnotized by her eyes.
RAE:Why is it you old men gotta talk so much? Like little boys, gotta talk yourself into fuckin’ me. (his knuckles touch her
skin)
We can take our time. I’m grown. I get it.
(she leans even closer)
You wanna give me `nother bath?
Laz stands and backs away. He quickly leaves the room.
69
Personally, I’d love it if I got propositioned. Never happened yet, so I’m not holding my breath.
First paragraph: Well, that’s just what I’m saying. I find it offensive too, because it is not true. You see, I have heard different men say many times that women can go get laid on demand, and men can’t; but after years of observation of human nature I have to say that I think when men say this, they are thinking of hot women. Like the girls in the ads for phone sex hotlines, or the girls that they themselves would like to fuck. Forgetting that there are in fact not-obese-but-not-skinny, not-70-but-not-25, not-crazy-but-not-docile, not-attention-whores-but-have-a-life kind of women yes, down the road, who may well show them the time of their lives, if they didn’t have their heads up their ass.
Malacandra and Mongo Ponton, please don’t take that wrong. I am not talking about you, and I don’t think you’re like that. Let’s just say that I think the “women can get laid anytime” business is at the very least a popular misconception.
If men could get laid that easily the entire economies of the world would grind to a halt and nothing would get done.
There are hundreds of millions of us monkeys out there trying every night and they unsuccessfully go home alone to throw poop at the neighbors house and other unmentionable things.
Hell! Half of married guys can’t get laid on any given night. Sometimes in any given month!
Not necessarily. I think they are thinking in relative terms - as it’s much easier for women to score above their attractiveness range than it is for men.
A woman who may be only a four or five can go out almost any night and score a guy who is a seven or eight (this because of innate male horniness and a desire to get laid immediately by somebody), whereas a guy who is a four or five probably isn’t going to get laid at all because the women who are their equals in attractiveness are hooking up with men who are sevens and eights, and women who are ones and twos aren’t likely to be out looking to hook up.
There would be much greater parity in ease of hook-up if this disparity didn’t exist.
Another factor is women not wanting to appear skanky to guys they just met and perhaps really like (for reasons already mentioned in this thread), and that makes it harder for guys to just go out and score than it is for women. I’ve known modestly attractive women all my life who, if they are of a mind to do so, can go out and get laid anytime they want. I’ve also known men who are so good looking that most of the women they meet as they go about their daily business turn into giggling, babbling schoolgirls, and yet when they go out to get laid they only succeed maybe one night out of three.
Also, women know men are predatory when it comes to sex and this makes them inclined to withhold it. Even promiscuous women don’t want to be thought of that way (generally speaking), and the mere fact that someone is obviously trying to hook up with them on such a superficial level often makes them back off, whereas women on the make rarely meet this kind of reticence from the men they approach.
So in a practical sense, men really are correct when they say women can get laid much more easily than men.
And besides, like Mongo said, if men could get laid as easily as women, no one would ever get out of bed and nothing would ever get done.
I’m not into the “thrill of the chase,” but I do like me some thrill of anticipation. Rather than going all the way on the first date, there’s something to be said for going a little further, and then a little further, and then a little further. For having at least a little time to wonder what she looks like naked, and what she feels like, and what she kisses like, and…
And, I think people of both sexes want to feel special. We’d all rather hear “I want to have sex with you” than “I want to have sex with whomever’s available.”
That’s just the female version of the Nice Guy Lament: “I could be scoring me some nice manflesh, if only they paid more attention to personality and weren’t always looking for unattainable hotties.” It ain’t necessarily so. I’ve never even tried to land myself a girl who looked like a phone-sex hotline ad (not to be confused with an actual phone-sex operator, who… probably doesn’t look like the picture). I’ve never turned anyone down for not being skinny, 25, docile or lifeless, and there’s never been a woman down the road who I could even consider expecting sex on demand from.
And I still think that a girl who is not a horrible skank could probably have scored with either me or any of my peers back in my bachelor days, none of whom were hideous slimeballs, simply by asking nicely.
That’s some fucked-up guy from some other era you’re describing.
I got introduced to the real-life possibility of sexual things happening by girls my age (my age being 15ish at the time) or mildly younger taking the initiative. I reciprocated, but as soon as there seemed to be an imbalance wherein it felt like I was doing, or expected to be doing, a lot of chasing, that just felt scuzzy, pushy, both offensive and personally pathetic.
OK I have to ask the reciprocal question. If you’re female and you’re not hitting the brakes so as to prolong the process of getting to there, does it freak you out if the guy does? Are you able to believe he still wants it to happen (with you, yes) and really does want to get to know you better first, or at least he wants to get the sense that you know he doesn’t want you to run off to your car and out of his life the morning after?
And, umm, if you can tell someone is attracted to you, but they’re tapping the brakes (but not in a GO AWAY sort of way), do you get any thrill of the chase or pleasure from seeing if you can increase the itch?
I should clarify something about the thrill of the chase.
Before I do, let me reiterate that it’s not about talking someone into doing something she doesn’t want to do, it’s about finding the attraction that already exists, and fanning the flames. It’s not really even a chase, it’s a sort of social dance. It’s a mating ritual.
Yes, exactly.
My point of clarification is this: The chase is a thrill only if you can make a catch every now and then. If you know a bit how the mating ritual works, you can play it on its own level and make things happen. If not, it’s pure drudgery and frustration. Much in the same way that chess won’t be much fun if you don’t even know the rules. It can be frustrating if you rely on pure chance to achieve a checkmate.
