They certainly are more sensible than flowers. They’re still fruit. Personally, and I speak for at least 75% of straight American men here, I have no interest in artfully arranged fruit, unless it comes after a nice juicy filet.
Ask him what he wants, then get it for him. Personally, I’m sick to death of my wife thinking that she knows what I want better than I do. When I want something, she somehow convinces herself that I’m wrong and that her idea is what I really want. I’m beginning to think all women do this. My mother did this too.
I’m incredibly touched when my wife gets what I want without any nagging or complaints.
Oh, God, I hate that. Woman, what on Earth made you think I wanted a Ming vase?
But you sat on the bench staring at one just like it for 20 minutes last time I took you to the museum! I was sure you liked it!
I try really hard to thank my husband every time he helps around the house. It kind of goes against my grain because when I do the exact same thing, it’s unlikely to be noticed and I rarely get thanked for it. However, I do genuinely appreciate the extra help and try to make that clear.
Another thing I do to make him feel appreciated is to take the kids off his hands for a while. They tend to revolve around me anyway, but it’s hard to get anything done with them around nonetheless, though we do give our preschooler odd jobs around the house to keep him busy. But it’s much easier to just have them out of the house.
Sex is a non-issue. Yes, we have it, but when and how often is never predicated on my appreciation of him, though his help around the house contributes to greater frequency since we simply have more time and I’m less tired when I get more help.
I’ve never thought of massages - I might have to try that.
In my book, the best gift you can give a guy who’s been picking up the slack is…alone time. Tell him he has the afternoon to do whatever he wants, and leave him alone to do it. Alone time is a precious commodity for us married dads.
We actually got an edible arrangement for our wedding because my husband is allergic to most desserts and he really wanted fruit. His only complaint about the wedding is that he didn’t have time to eat the edible arrangement. Seriously, four years later, this is what he remembers.
It’s not the time for an edible arrangement, but I should totally do that for him sometime – maybe when he officially gets his Ph.D.? He would love me forever.
Nothin’ says lovin’ like something from the oven.
But nothin’ says appreciation like some oral gratification.
I’m with everyone who says brag on him to other people, but I’d go one further:
Let him *overhear *you bragging on him. Don’t tell people in front of him; don’t tell him you told friends-1 and -2 that you thought he was wonderful. Let him “accidentally” hear you tell people (your mother? his mother?) what wonderful things he’s been doing for you. And be specific.
It works wonders for children to overhear parents bragging on them, too, btw. I guess everyone like to hear how well thought of they are.
Oh, I just thought of another one! You know that thing you hate that he really loves that isn’t in any way sexual? Go do that with him. For me that was taking my SO to a bull riding competition. Seriously, it was so dumb but he thought it was awesome. He had a great night and any time I was looking at the bulls thinking about how stupid it was I just looked over at his face that was lit up like christmas and it was totally worth it.
People need to reward each other for just being a normal, caring spouse? If that’s the case then I’m owed a lot of BJs.
This thread has nothing to do with feeling obligated to provide a reward. I just want him to feel good because I love him and don’t know what I’d do without him. I started this thread because I’m curious what other men have to say about what makes them feel appreciated and good and loved.
I wish people would stop twisting this into something it’s not.
A long time ago, in the early stages of our relationship, I was planning to visit him, and he joked, ‘‘Show up naked and bring food.’’
So I did. You shoulda seen the look on his face. 
But that is exactly what many men want - ask us what we want, and do that. It doesn’t have to be sexual (necessarily). But the loud clear message that you sent - “what you want is important to me, enough that I pay attention to it and follow thru” - is the key element.
“I will take trouble on your account” - the most flattering thing you can say to someone.
Regards,
Shodan
This is really good input, here. Thank you.
Yes, even though you think it’s the stupidest thing in the world, do it. I’m surprised (since I last posted) how many women don’t understand this (how could YOU want something I think is so horrible) simple truth: if you ask a man what he wants, he’s going to 100% honestly tell you. You might not like his request, but it’s for him, not for you.
I posted about this a while ago, but whenever somebody asks me what I want for Christmas, I tell them one of those Pepperidge farms sets with summer sausage, crackers, mustard, and sometimes a cool little knife. I am not fucking lying about this, I really want Summer sausage. Do not decide that I really want something else, just give me the the gawtdam summer sausage like I asked. Over the years (and including this board,) many men have agreed that it doesn’t taste that bad, while nearly all women have agreed that it’s a tacky gift they would never give to someone.
Sounds like you should do that. And tell other people to send edible arrangements instead of flowers when you have that baby you’ve been thinking about.
I’m like that with Christmas and those three-flavor tubs of popcorn. That’s all I want, if you must buy me a present. If you want to make it extra special, get rid of the caramel corn and put in more butter or cheese.
That’s it.
I LOVE summer sausage! I get it for my Dad every year. It’s terrible for you, but no harm having it once a year or so.
Hmm, for me and Sr. Olives, this might be attending an X-men convention, or something. He really likes the X-men. I have nothing against the X-men, but I admit I find his enthusiasm somewhat… baffling.
(I like summer sausage, too.)
Actually, I had a thought, and it’s something I do. Does your husband keep snacks at his work? I have gone out and bought a whole pack of the snacks he likes best, assortments and flavors and slipped them into his bag (he always takes one to work) one morning before he left. When he got to work and opened it, why, snacks galore! That made him happy.