Yes, it’s still attached to a person.
What’s the first thing you do/say/think?
Oh yes, it’s attached to another person…not your own (guys).
“…this better be mine!”
I’m relieved when I notice it’s still attached to somebody…
Many thanks for specifying that it’s still attached.
Well, first of all, I look at the person the penis is attached to and see what he thinks. My further actions depend on that.
If the penis is hard, I check to make sure the guy is awake – nature takes it from there. If the penis is not hard (despite being fondled), I check to make sure the guy is breathing. 
“Why am I back in summer camp in late November?”
The most important question, I believe, is whose penis it is.
Ahh, but see that’s the fun part. It could be ANYbody’s penis.
So the question remains. What would you do or say or think first if you (being a female OR male) woke up and found yourself holding a penis in your hand (of someone else?). 
I’d think, “I don’t remember having that much to drink last night.”
OK, how’s this–
“I knew this bed felt unusually cramped.” I sleep in a twin bed for now.
I woke up this morning, and found a pair of mens shoes beside my bed.
…AND THEY WEREN’T MINE! :eek:
Given that I already have one perfectly good penis, I’d be looking around the room for the Rabbi and the duck, because I’ve obviously awakened in a bad joke. :eek:
Did someone have a sleepover at Wacko Jacko’s again?
I hope nobody has a camera.
I’d think “Hell yeah, there’s a two-month dry spell ended.”
I’d wonder if I just wandered into the British Museum’s secret stash!
[sub]Hi, DDG[/sub]
“What in hell’s blue blazes did I DRINK last night?!?”
I’m a straight guy, so I’d get up and run for the nearest exit/weapon. I can’t think of any non dangerous/weird reason for an exposed man creeping into my bed while I’m asleep.
Having passed muster on my morning gender check, and satisfied that I’m still a big, handsome slab of man beef I start my busy day.