If the fire had burned the house down, I’d still be okay. We’re staying with my in-laws for Christmas, so it wouldn’t have been my house anyway.*
Christmas did get a lot better. The pile of junk I have to haul home is much smaller than in previous years, and I’ll actually use a decent percentage of it.
*I accept no legal liability for any crimes which are committed as a result of someone interpreting this thread as advice for how to get rid of their in-laws.
Well, I think so, Brain. But how can we be sure our in-laws have lice? Narf!
With all due apologies to Foreigner. . .
You’re as bold as lice
You’re killing the selling price, your fire
You never save a device
Someday you’ll feed the mice
I know
I’ve be’n the whore
It happens all the time
You’re arsonist, hardcore
You leave the ashes behind
You’re biting for blood
Yet burning away
A smoldering piece
But someday you’ll lease
You’re as bold as lice
You’re killing the selling price, your fire
You want Puffed Rice
But someday you’ll feed the mice
I know
I’ve be’n the whore
It happens all the time
You’re arsonist, hardcore
You leave the ashes behind
You’re biting for blood
Yet burning away
A smoldering piece
But someday you’ll lease
Bold as lice, you know that you are
Bold, bold, as, as, lice, as bold as lice to me
Bold, bold, as, as, lice
Ooh, ooh, ooh, cold as, bold as lice
You’re as bold as lice
You’re as bold as lice, bold as lice, I know
You’re as bold as lice, yes I know
You’re as bold as lice, bold as lice, I know
You’re as bold as lice, oh yes I know
You’re as bold as lice, bold as lice, I know
You’re as bold as lice, oh yes I know
You’re as bold as lice, bold as lice
If mice actually eat lice, this is the best post ever. Can anyone confirm?
Damn, a tough audience, demanding cites for parody songs in the Pit. Only on the SDMB.
From the first cite found.
(bolding mine.)
My revised theory now is that the mice caused the fire. Write your damn own song.
Wow! You really learn things here. Well, except the exact mechanism of the fire. Does chewing on the matches cause friction on the matches that then starts the fire or do the little mice chew on the matches and later fart sparks which cause fires or do the matches cause some sort of fatal reaction in the mouse’s intestines causing them to explode in a fireball? Inquiring minds want to know.
Oh, and do you think my home owner’s insurance covers mice with flammable flatulence?
Doesn’t the original version of The 12 Days of Christmas have the line, “Five exploding rodents”?
Head lice roasting on a 'lectric fire.
Faulty circuits toast your foes…
The mice are 100% covered, including liability and hospitalization. You, on the hand, are fucked.
This bothered me all day yesterday but I didn’t have time to check on poor Mosier.
Glad it wasn’t the disaster your OP seemed to threaten, though.
An overflowing toilet was the worst thing we had to face! This year.
(Once we were about to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner when there was a knock at our back door. It was a cop. He said, “I think one of your cows got hit by the train. What are you going to do about it?” That stopped me for a minute. I mean, what could I do about it? But we all walked up to the back pasture and sure enough, there she was. Even a large cow is no match for a train. So. We had to butcher the cow before we could eat our dinner. Some folks lost their appetite, but then, some didn’t.)
I also laughed at the fried lice jokes and did not, out of the delicacy suitable to a woman of my advanced years, investigate the fried semen. :rolleyes:
**
TokyoPlayer** said “Mice eat lice”…look at the user name…there are no R’s in Japanese …I keed, I keed 
Thanks for the laughs.
tsfr
The radio news said that a man was arrested today for burning his house down after an argument with his father over mice
No mention if lice were involved.