What’s my message from God?
Excuse me, Mnementh, sir?
I’m not looking for any earth-shattering pronouncements here. In fact, my request is rather petty, but I’m getting desperate.
If you get a chance, would you please ask the Big Guy where I put my keys?
Thanks.
I’m waiting.
You and me both Maeglin, what say we start making plans to overthrow the (false) prophet?
I’m sure I got a dead horse carcass around here somewhere…
Do I have a message? I want a message.
If you want a good, cheap massage, go see Suzie at the corner of 39th and Braun.
Oh, message… never mind.
Off to the mall with my new RCF style powers. Will report in detail later. See Genesis 2:25 for what I have in mind… 
Well, may as well have it. What iis God trying to say to me through His prophet and servant?
F_X
reads Genesis 2:25
Yikes.
F_X
AbsolutelyStark: He, in his Great Powers, can see through the clothing of women, but not men. He apologises heartily if He has mistaken your gender, and cites his current Hangover of Death as an excuse.
imthjckaz: His Hungoverness informs me that you may be thinking of a different Deity. If he has forsaken you, the Viz will be glad to take to on a drunken tirade to this other God’s house, which we will then teepee, egg, and defile with burning dog offal in paper bags before we’re caught laughing giddily in the bushes and arrested.
Good times…
Obsidian Butterfly: The Viz thinks that your constant double posting is a result of a need for attention. Then he kinda fell asleep and began mumbling incoherently, before starting up in the Gilded Lay-Z-Boy, screaming about THE RODENTS! OH, GOD, THE RODENTS!
… You may want to try again later.
Mauvaise: The Beergod wants you to know that you are loved and that he is watching over you. Wherever you are, He has his eye on you. Inside, outside, when you’re sleeping, in the shower, at night when you… when… To keep you safe, of course. Oh yes.
spooje, The Viz favours you, as your name sounds like a euphemism for semen, which he finds hilarious. Distract him with something shiny and he may grant you a wish. Just don’t try to rub his bottle. Or for that matter, rub him anywhere.
Exgineer, did you check your shoes? That’s where His keys often seem to turn up. The Viz believes this to be the work of deranged little key gnomes who live in shoes. This is why many of the Viz’s shoes bear the scars of baseball bat beatings. I don’t recommend that course of action, myself, but you never know.
Maeglin and Tir, The Viz fully endorses any planned attempts on his prophet’s life or sanity, and will in fact help, as it’ll get him a good laug… Hey, wait a minute!
arisu, we don’t always get what we want. This is your message. Which, er, means you got what you wanted. But, for future reference, you may not get what you want. Except when you ask nicely, or bribe with beer, or assault the Prophet for the Viz’s amusemen… Hey, now cut that out!
NoClueBoy, you have been found to be wise, and are hereby ordinated in the Church of High Drunkeness and Random Stupidity. Go forth and spread the Four Letter Word!
Flamsterette, the Viz says unto you the following:
“Your little F_X looks like a little face to me, and verily, it is amusing. Oh, and also, Genesis is the censored version. If you think that’s bad, wait until I re-release the story of exactly how the world became so populated by only two people. In explicit detail!”
It’s really a very interesting read, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Finally, Prophet I may be, but I’m no servant! That’s why we have the minions. More minions are needed, if anyone wants to volunteer. You get your own Not Quite Gilded, But Somewhat Jewel-Encrusted Lay-Z-Boy and all the alcohol and pizza you can put back, in exchange for an eternity of servitude and mockery. So who wants to sign up?
tee hee!
nah, maybe we had better keep you arround, I’m sure more than just me would miss the MnemBattyCam.
When I… Yes, indeed. I’ll have to remember that next time. I didn’t realise I was … performing for an audience.
That does explain the dreams though…
And mine? (PleasebeaboutboobiesPleasebeaboutboobiesPleasebeaboutboobies)
Please beab-out boobies?
Oh well, if you don’t wanna hear about them…
Thanks for the tip.
The keys were, in fact, under the table next to the front door. Right next to the shoes. I figure that The All Knowing Vizzy was right, and my keys were in my shoes, but I kicked the shoes over in my frantic search.
The Prophet Mnementh has shown himself to be The One True Mouthpiece of God. I kneel in awe, because I only had to take an hour from work, instead of the whole danged day. It’s a miracle.
Thank you again, Metatron for Vizzy.
Uhh… wait a minute. There’s boobies to be had here? How did I miss that, and where do I sign up?
Kwyjibo, your message will be given to you tonight. During your Time of Prayer at the House of Earthly Delighs And Strippers. You’ll like it.
Exgineer, the Viz theorizes that the Shoe-Gnomes were digging into his… stash last night, perhaps explaining why they missed their foot-covering target. And the Viz scores again!
Also, in regards to boobies, daily worship at your local HEDAS is recommended, nay, encouraged!
Mnementh- I hope, I hope, I hope that there’s a message from the Vizzy for me!
and if it were about the boobies, that’d be everso good.
blanx
minion in training.
Ya know, I’m only about five hours away from Toronto.
Could you give me directions to a reputable “church?” By e-mail, of course. The Administration here has rules.
Which leads me to another question:
How do the “churches” in Toronto compare to the “churches” in Montreal?
Honorable prophet Mnementh, would the Revered Deity have any message for me? Perhaps some advice for tonight’s hockey game?
And while you’ve got his attention … I realize that all his creations are Perfect in His Eyes and I am in no way suggesting deficiencies, but, well, it might be a good idea for him to check on the red peppers in the cafeteria, as they no longer offer the bouquet of taste that they usually do. [sub]In fact, blech.[/sub]
Blanx, being a minion requires very little training. Do you know how to ‘go get me a beer, lackey’? Are you willing to do stupid things for the amusement of others? Can you take verbal abuse, day in, day out, for the rest of time? Then apply for official minionship! Benefits include, but are not limited to, viewing access to the Big Gamesroom in the Sky Bikini Team. Just sign here. You know you want to.
Exgineer, I’ve never worshipping in Montreal, but I hear good things. Very, very good things. Perhaps a pilgrimage is in order.
JayLa, the Viz likes to watch hockey, and recommends that you get in a huge, bench-clearing fight. And have fun!
Also, cafeteria food is a horrible practical joke gone wrong. The minion responsible for that abomination has been elevated to Supreme Minion for the amusement he has provided to the Viz. Goes to show just where priorities are, eh?