Mild Pit on Female/Male Langauge Differences

Mrs Princhester’s favourite is “Could you do me a favour?”

“This weekend I would like to…” does the job without being annoyingly coy and without laying down the law.

Um, so shouldn’t you have started the rant “Yanno what really bugs me? …” :stuck_out_tongue:

This is my style of response, “innocent” literal answers. It started as a way of trying to show her how these are not particularly good questions to ask, but as I have since realized that the questions will never stop it is now purely for personal amusement.

From the OP:

Her: You know what we should do this weekend?
Me: Go white water rafting?
H: Uh, no.
Me: Get together with that hot friend of yours, a bit of wine and see if anything happens?
H: No! I was thinking…
M: See if we can invent a perpetual motion machine?

…and on and on.
H: You’ll never guess who I ran into today?
M: Wilford Brimley?
H: What? Who’s that?
M: The oatmeal guy.
H: Why would I have seen him?
M: I have no idea.
H: What was I talking about?

Reminds me of this thread.

Sounds like an over-generalization to me. In a lifetime of listening to both men and women, I’ve heard those annoying verbal habits from both genders. People bug me. God, I enjoy those rare days when I don’t have to talk to anybody.

Not a female monopoly.

Mr. Stuff does this, and it drives me batty. I don’t mind doing things for him. Really. I just hate that he tries, ineffectively, to make me think that it was all my idea, and I’m dying to do it. Grrr.

I do the same thing to my kids. (Note: the boy does this a lot more than the girl.)

Hey Mom! You know what sucks?..a vacuum cleaner?
Hey Mom! You know what’s cool?..the breeze?
Hey Mom! You know what we should do?..go to bed?

Et cetera.

Hmmm… I probably do do this, somewhat. Though to me, it’s not “dancing around” what I really want to say, or “trying to make you guess” or “making it sound like it was your idea”, it’s just a slightly different conversational style. I’m not seeing a huge difference between “You know what we should do?” “What?” “We should go to the seaside,” and a direct “We should go to the seaside this weekend”, except that one takes slightly longer to say. I just somehow seem to find it easier to frame things as a question, perhaps because I feel like it offers the other person the chance to say “Actually, I’m busy all weekend” or “Actually, I thought we could go visit my mother” or something. shrug

I did find it annoying when my parents would say stuff like “Luna, do you want to make me a cup of tea?” or “Would you like to wash the dishes?”, but I never saw it as them dancing around the request or as a serious attempt to convince me that I was just dying to go do stuff.

I do the literal-answers thing too, though, but mostly just 'cause it amuses me.

Well, not me. It’s my wife. It’s who I married.

Like others, I just answer everything with a joke, because it’s really just her way of starting a conversation.

“You know what we should do this weekend?”

“Sit around and drink beer and watch football.”

Besides, I like guessing games. I’ll guess for so long that she breaks down and tells me before I get it.

I agree. This is yet another reason I prefer to work at home. Lack of any human interaction - it’s a GOOD thing. And no, I’m not being facetious - I’m serious.

I think this is hilarious. I think that’s a totally appropriate way to point out to her what she’s doing – gentle and fun, not hostile or aggravated. I’d be very happy to have the issue handled that way, if I had this tendency which, you know what? I kind of do. :slight_smile:

My family does similarly, BTW:

[Answerer is doing something obvious, like reading. Questioner comes in.] “What are you doing?” “Mowing the lawn.” (or “Macrame.” or “Sacrificing a live chicken.”)

Yes, it’s not gender-specific. Mr. brown talks around what he wants, too.

“Do you want to take your shower first this morning?” means “Take your shower first.”

Etc., etc.

I hear moms talking this way to their kids, too.

“Do you want to stop touching the stuff on the shelves?”
“Do you want to stop hitting your sister?”

I try to be direct in speaking to my husband, but I know that a direct declarative statement often results in instant resistance from him. I think he is set on “automatic contradict”. If I ever lead up gradually to any proposition, it’s in an effort to defuse this.

The thing that bugs me about Ivylad is that he does not get details. Something juicy is going on, and I ask him this and this and that and the other, and all he can say is “I don’t know.” He got the bare bones that X is happening, and not why, whereas, or thusto enough to get me into the meat of the matter.

Yeah, that’s what she thought for a month or so too. I may not be aggravated but I sure as hell am agravating.

Ugh, my boyfriend does this. Pisses me off to no end. Why oh why won’t they just come out and SAY what they mean! The funny part is I’ve gotten to where I know exactly what he means but I choose to toy with him. Like I’ll be watching something on TV and he’ll come in and sit there for a minute…

Him - Are you watching this or did you want to see what else is on?
me - No that’s ok, I’m watching this.
Him- Oh ok. I just thought you might want to see if something else is on.
me - No, I’m fine.
Repeat variations of this a few times…

I’m starting to get him to actually say what he wants, but its a slow process.

I really had (a) no idea that this habit of speech was so annoying, or (b) that women do it more than men.

I’m extremely accustomed to “You know what we should do?” or “Guess who I saw?” as conversation openers. They’re a way to catch the person’s attention before you launch into your thing. Compare:

Me: Guess who I saw today?
Him: Huh?
Me: Jeff. He was… [conversation begins]

Me: I saw Jeff today.
Him: Huh?
Me: Jeff.
Him: What about him?
Me: I saw him today.
Him: Oh.

I would much rather they attempt to get my attention like this; it’s kind of a screen to know whether or not I shoulf actually pay attention, and it’s a useful gauge for the other person to know whether the piece of information is worth interrupting me for. What I hate is when people launch into detailed exposition without warning and while I’m busy doing something else, so that I don’t hear the first part of the sentence, which they then refuse to supply:

Him: (launches right into conversation while I am involved in something else. Some key-word catches my attention.) …Jeff.
Me: Huh?
Him: Jeff.
Me: What about Jeff?
Him: Today.
Me: I need a subject and a predicate, please.
Him: (repeats entire sentence with an air of great irritation)

The other extreme is when they actually expect me to guess or supply some other answer to what are typically nothing but phatic questions:

Him: You know who I saw today?
Me: Who?
Him: Come on, guess.
Me: Just tell me.
Him: Guess!
Me: NO, FUCK OFF.

I think women do probably do it more than men, although it’s not exclusively women who do it, but I don’t think there are many people who get seriously annoyed about such a trivial thing. Even the OP admitted that it wasn’t quite a pit-worthy issue.

Sounds like a fun game; I bet you’ll miss it after the divorce, won’t you? :wink:

“Do you know what we ought to do this weekend?”

The same thing we do every weekend, honey. Try and take over the world!

Enjoy,
Steven