It’s not “charging guests for food” to make them pay for their own groceries. Shit!
Ah, I missed the part where the home-cooked meal was just for the MIL. Sorry.
Nevermind
If you can spend money, why don’t you? At this point, you have the money and you have someone willing to make it. So why not go for it? A twenty dollar Christmas dinner sounds kind of sad…
Folks, it does not sound like the money is the thing. It’s the work and time involved.
I’ve known people that say they will do whatever, cook whatever, take care of everything. Then it’s like pulling teeth to get them to chip in and help at all. I suspect the MIL may be this type of person.
Don’t blame the OP a bit.
I think you’re intending sarcasm here, right?
I have to ask because it completely misses the mark–because the home-cooked food WOULD just be for hte MIL. Because no one else wants it. It’s her idea, it’s her desire.
It’s tied up, to be sure, with her feelings about what is right and proper for a holiday meal. But they’re her feelings, not ours. I’m happy to accomodate people’s feelings to a great extent. But it irked me that she didn’t seem to recognize that she was, basically, asking for a special favor and extra effort and expense on everyone’s part just to make things “feel right” to her.
Like I said, she’s “willing” to make it. If we actually let her make it, I guarantee you that she:
–would do it
–would be royally pissed off about it.
The $20 dinner really wasn’t sad, I promise. We were doing Thanksgiving leftovers for two days afterwards. (Which, I know, a homecooked would probably have lasted a week but you balance convenience, cost, taste, stress levels, etc, and you do what works. And Thanksgiving did more than just “work.” We were really happy about it.)
No. The host had already made plans for the meal. MIL wanted to change those plans to suit her. And she wanted the host to pick up the cost of the meal AND the burden of fixing the meal. Apparently, MIL is willing to make out a list, but feels that someone else should pay for the groceries and fix the meal, when she knows that her daughter is pregnant and doesn’t feel up to making a big holiday fuss.
What does your wife think of the situation? You don’t think she’d enjoy her mom’s cooking at holiday time? How does she feel about you putting her on the spot to be the “bad cop” with her Mom?
Oh my god, you people are assholes! If you like her so much and want to eat her cooking, invite the bitch to your house!
Gross. I hope you told her you were doing the Bob Evans Christmas Meal when you invited her, because that sounds depressing as shit.
Of course, she should have been more gracious and just accepted that that was what you were doing, but I don’t know anyone for whom going to a family holiday and finding out that it was chain-restaurant takeout Christmas wouldn’t be pretty shocking.
Oh, please. I’m very fond of food and love to cook. We host Thanksgiving and Xmas dinners for 3 families = lots of people. All homemade and damn good.
But I have also eaten holiday dinners from a local store, when circumstances warranted it. That was fine also. And at the time, it kept the holiday from turning into an insane, over-stressed nightmare instead of a pleasant time with family. We had a lovely dinner and a great time - with no cooking and very little cleanup. I appreciated the effort that folks made to create a good holiday, however that happened.
Was it as good as our cooking? No. It was, however, just as good as homemade dinners I’ve had elsewhere. Please note that I didn’t feel the need to tell those people that their holiday meal was inadequate either - I was appreciative of their efforts, whatever they may have been.
MiL is a spoiled brat and needs to get over herself.
Excellent! Frylock, Vihaga here wants to buy, prepare, and clean up after your Christmas dinner!
I just think giving her a heads-up would have been fair if she’s used to doing Christmas with the family a certain way. I seriously cannot wrap my head around inviting anyone to my house and having that exchange without giving them fair warning beforehand, especially my mother.
That being said, I do think she should have been more gracious about it, which I said.
I seriously cannot imagine anyone showing up to a tiny house, toddler, and pregnant daughter, and expecting any sort of cookery whatsoever to happen unless they agreed in advance that there would be cooking, and how it would occur that Hugely Pregnant Daughter and Son-in-law Wrangling Toddler would not be responsible for any it. .
Considering that her own daughter is pregnant with twins and they also have two other kids to look after, I think MIL expecting anything with more effort than catered-in food is a bit much. If she really cared to be helpful, asking well ahead of time to be able to home-make something and/or to have something “better” brought in would be lovely, plus doing it graciously, paying for it, and cleaning up after is the way to go.
Seriously. If MIL is so clueless that she didn’t see that coming, then she fucking deserves the wake-up.
But then, my own family takes the cake on clueless, so I’m pretty sensitive about it.
I hope you get this resolved. Really, your wife (as pregnant as she may be) needs to deal with it.
Personally, if my mom wanted to cook dinner, she would also buy and clean up (cause that’s the way she rolls) so I won’t be in this situation and if she wasn’t, I would tell her to shove it (nicely, of course).
As the son-in-law, you are in a bad position to be negotiating. Your wife has said what she wants (Bob Evans) and your mother-in-law wants something different. You are basically screwed.
Good luck! Stand firm!
Wow, I really thought that the holidays were about enjoying the company of friends and family and the spirit of giving and sharing… I guess my family is doing things all wrong this year too!
(And Frylock, if it makes you feel better: we’re also expecting, have a toddler, plus all sorts of other scheduling messes. Our big gathering will be at my house, with both sets of grandparents, both uncles, niece, nephew, and assorted friends - on Christmas Eve, since that’s the best schedule for us. Nary a turkey in sight, we’re doing a soup buffet, plus breads and desserts. MIL is bringing an appetizer of her choice. My mom is bringing a soup and dessert of her choice. We won’t be hungry, and we won’t have a huge mess in the kitchen. People can eat as their appetites and schedules allow. And it will be awesome.
But good for you for running interference with your wife’s mom. Normally, I’d say that couples should each deal with their own parental conflicts, but pregnant + toddlers + holidays probably counts as extraordinary circumstances!)
Yeah, I’d say MiL is pretty damn clueless (I’m being polite here) to expect a giant custom to-do in these circumstances.
I’d have to vote for telling her “sorry, not this year, maybe we can do something differently next year”. But then I’ve had a lot of practice in dealing with difficult relatives.