You know, I could go on all day quoting bible verses which seem to support the worst behaviors that can be seen, but I think I will save that for later. For now, I have gotten the bizarre idea that:
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten
Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, except homosexuals, but have everlasting life.
Snorri 10:04 Odin, the All Father, who so loved knowledge that he sacrificed himself to himself, in order that mankind, (and himself) might have eighteen magical runes.
Lie-viticus 18:22 You shall not lie to a man, as with a woman. It’s ok to lie to the ladies, but men? That’s despicable.
are all hilarious. Anyone else what to take a crack at it?
P.S. This is religious in topic, but it is also frivolous chatter, as in the description of the forum, but if the mods feel like moving it, feel free.
Ok, I want people to see this, so here is a bit of a bump/inspiration from usenet
If College Students Wrote the Bible
The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.
The Ten Commandments would actually be only five--double-spaced and
written in a large font.
New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
Yes, we get it, you’re an atheist. :rolleyes:
Hm, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to be so snappy.
Leveticus 17: 3-8
3 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 4 Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, 5 And if ye challenge unto the LORD at a game of Halo, ye shall offer the challenge at your own will, or the will of the banana cream pie salesman 6 It shall be X-BOX, for the computer version is an unholy abomination; and the LORD your God shalt be the red guy; if not the disc shall be burnt in the fire. 7 And the game mode shalt be two teams of two men each; all else is abominable;8 Tanks shalt not be used, for they are cheap and an abomination unto the LORD; and that soul which hides in the secret spot in Blood Gulch and snipes at everybody shall be cut off from among his people.
Be fruitcakes and multiply.
All of you are jerks! You know why?
Because you made me blow ginger bear all over my keyboard. 
Scratch one keyboard. Looking at your profiles mekes me believe I woun’t see you at any dopefest, so I wouln’t get the money from you to pay me back for the cost of a new keyboard.
Note for over-sensative people:
I’m kidding. I love the examples posted so far. Oh, and the title should be or to “aide the opposition.” as in I could take a verse talking about peace and love, and modify it for use by warmongers or right wing Clinton haters
Exodos 20:14"Thou shalt commit adultery." (I didn’t say this one. It is from The 1631 Edition of the King James Version.
Isaiah 32:8 But the liberal deviseth liberal things; and by liberal things shall he stand. Don’t worry, I’ll punished them.
These are just an example however, modify however you like.
“Doperfest, near me” is what I meant to say.
Mispell not, lest ye be misspelled.
Who is Ginger Bear and why are you blowing her on the keyboard?
“They call themselves Christian but there’s nothing Christian at all about their message. No love, no compassion, no acceptance. They need to refer to the book of Matthew, chapter 4, verse 21: ‘shut the fuck up.’ …It’s the King James version.”
- Margaret Cho, from the show of hers I went to on Thursday night.
Then there was the time that my dad was digging out the sewer line, an arduous task, at our house in Saint John. This was made more annoying by our evangelical next-door neighbour who insisted on preaching at him the whole time. Finally, he said, "That’s very interesting, Reverend, but I’d invite you to consult the book of Luke, chapter 30, verse 15, where our Lord reminds us, ‘Vex not thy neighbour whilst he toileth.’ "
The way he told it, the fellow immediately scuttled off to check the reference.
Beer, not bear. Oh, to be able to edit my posts and/or spell right the first time.
Exodus 34: 17: "Thou shalt make thee no molten lava gods. Look, it’s ok if you want to make a small statue of me, but for the sake of Me, just don’t go and make a idol out of molten lava. That kind of thing never goes well, with the coming alive, and the smashing, and the burning down of villages. Oy gavalt, you believe me, it just isn’t a good idea.