Moldy Tomatoes

Cafe Society
1

Here’s Rotten Tomatoes’ list of the ten worst-reviewed movies for each of the past ten years, listed chronologically. I’ve added my own reactions to each item on the list and invite yours as well.

1. Jawbreaker
To quote the great misanthropist Pauline Kael, “It’s crap . . . but it’s crap on a motorcycle.” Entertaining garbage. *Heathers *meets Very Bad Things. Highly recommended.

2. Chill Factor
No idea.

3. Battlefield Earth
Crap on a rocket-powered motorcycle. Exquisitely bad in all the right ways. Immensely, hootfully entertaining. Plays great on a store monitor; customers always stop and stare in fascination.

4. Corky Romano
I will never know.

5. Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever
No idea.

6. Gigli
A mess, but not the worst movie ever made. Classic case of less-than-the-sum-of-its-parts. Watchable, if confusing and ultimately forgettable.

7. Twisted
No idea.

8. Alone in the Dark
No idea.
**
9. Basic Instinct 2**
You know, if this had come out of nowhere, with no context, it would’ve been an unremarkable but adequately entertaining little erotic thriller. Some howler plot moments, but better than such atrociously horrible movies as Flawless, Mr. Brooks, Sleuth 07.

10. Because I Said So
I will never know.

2

Dang. Really? No one has anything to say about any of these masterpieces?

3

Well, I’ve only ever heard of two of 'em–Battlefield Earth and Gigli–and that’s only because they’ve made it onto a lot of “Worst Movies” lists over the years.

4

lissener um… sir,

Please don’t yell at me. I’m not a film expert - I just know what I like.

**Jawbreaker ** was hilarious IMO.
Chill Factor was good enough for a boring Saturday afternoon.
Battlefield Earth was okay to me. Condensing a novel that big - too difficult. It might have been better to do a trilogy. I enjoyed the book.
Corky Romano - really dumb, but amusing in places.

5 - 9 I haven’t seen.

Because I said So was annoying, but not unwatchable.

It seems that the reviewers and I disagree.

10 different movies would make my worst 10 list.

5

Alone in the Dark is awful in exactly the same way the Battlefield Earth is, and as such, is immensely entertaining for the sheer cringe-factor.

6

2. Chill Factor
To quote Cleveland re: Skeet Ulrich “There’s nothing good about who you are, or what you do.”

3. Battlefield Earth
I saw this once in theatres back when I was young and easily pleased. I remember waking up during the credits.

4. Corky Romano
I’m not gonna lie, I laughed more than once. Objectively, however, it’s really terrible.

5. Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever
“There are no innocent people you know that; only killers and victims”

…haven’t seen this movie, but I after hearing that line in the trailer, I know enough to stay away from it.

6. Gigli
Not a great movie, not even a good one, but far from the worst of all time.

8. Alone in the Dark
“fear is what protects you from the things you don’t believe in”

-What the fuck does that even mean? As a filmmaker, the main source of my depression is that Uwe Boll keeps getting money to make movies. Who the hell does he have shit on?

9. Basic Instinct 2
I saw Basic instinct with no nudity a while back on TBS (or whatever it is now) and realised the main reason I enjoyed the movie was Sharon Stone’s lower-midsection. A sequel wasn’t the least bit necessary.

7

Really? [perks up] I’ll have to go look for it, then, because I found Battlefield Earth to be fascinatingly awful.

8

Yeah, I was gonna stay away just for the Boll factor, but what the heck. I still enjoy playing Battlefield Earth in the store. Taken shot by out-of-context shot, it snags your attention when you’re waiting in line, and the plot howlers–which presage many of the howlers in 10,000 BC–are, I’m sorry, hy fucking larious.