I just need to get this off my chest. I think my mother is a borderline alcoholic. She never gets totally hammered, and she doesn’t drink EVERY day, but she definitely drinks too much, and her behavior is terrible.
For several years now, my mother has been in the habit of having one or two too many and behaving inappropriately in social situations. When I was in high school, she came home from too many margaritas and stood in the driveway singing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” to the little boy across the street at the top of her lungs. There were several incidents like this when I was growing up, and several to date now that I’m an adult.
Last night, my mother showed up to my daughter’s school concert. She was really smiley and chatty. That was fine until the program started. The kids’ music teacher stood up and started talking about what the children had been studying, and my mother WOULD NOT SHUT UP. She was talking loudly while this guy was talking. She was saying things like, “Who is this guy? We didn’t come to watch this boring guy go on and on. Where are the kids? That’s what we want to see.” This went on and on through the whole 45 minute show. It’s not that my mother is just chatty, it’s that when she gets a few drinks in her, she acts like a fool. Last night, I could see other parents getting annoyed and uncomfortable. My mother wasn’t visibly drunk, but she was definitely under the influence of something.
I worry about her, but I can’t talk to her about this stuff. She gets angry and tells me that I’m stifling her right to have fun and be herself. She insists that the alcohol has nothing to do with her behavior, and that she just likes to have a good time, but she doesn’t act that way when she’s sober. She
Any thoughts?
My thoughts: alcoholic doesn’t mean someone who drinks till he barfs. If your mother acts like that without drinking, she’s an idiot; if she thinks she can’t have fun unless she’s been drinking and only drinks on those occasions when she’s out to have fun (because if she’s “had a few” she can act like an idiot, which is what she associates with fun), she’s pretty much what’s called a “weekend alcoholic” around here. And if she drinks more than that and claims anybody trying to get her to lower her intake is attacking her, she’s an alcoholic.
Just a couple weeks back, my alcoholic (yet dry for about 5 years) aunt was claiming she never ever touched alcohol, prompting my cousin’s eyebrows to unsuccesfully attempt to escape her scalp. I’m old enough to remember her quite wasted more than a few times, but she never ever ever touched alcohol, she now says. 7 years before, exact to the month+day, she gave me grief at a family shinding for hours because I don’t drink… “I don’t care what you say, you can’t be having fun, you’re not drinking! Efrybody’s drinking, c’mon have a cup!”
How sad. How old are you, dear? It must be tough if you’re dependent on her.
I don’t know enough about alcoholism to really tell you anything. It sure sounds like the alcohol is doing it:
“She insists that the alcohol has nothing to do with her behavior, and that she just likes to have a good time, but she doesn’t act that way when she’s sober.”
Other people I’m sure will be along shortly to help you better. I just wanted to extend my sympathies.
It’s impossible to say if she’s an alcoholic based on your OP, but if she isn’t, that’s the attitude that will get her there. She gets defensive when confronted, denies there is a problem, and her justifications are weak – all hallmarks of someone who either has a problem already or is well on their way to developing one. It’s a shame and I’m sorry for what you’re having to put up with, but it seems to me that if this becomes a significant issue where she may end up hurting herself or someone else (either in the short or long terms) because of her drinking, it sounds like the kind of thing only an intervention will (potentially) help solve. I hope it doesn’t come to that though, but it doesn’t sound like she’s going to listen to opinions on the matter even when she’s sober.
How does she respond when the immediate behavior is addressed, rather than the alcohol? Like, at the kid’s concert, how would she have responded to being shushed?
She was shushed repeatedly by me and other members of my family. She responded by putting her hand over her mouth and laughing as if she had no control over her behavior. My grandmother even pinched my mother’s arm when she ignored the shushing. Nothing. She continued to talk loudly and make comments. When I tell her to stop it, she jokes, “Sorry, I have blurts disease.”
I’m 28. I’m not dependant on her, but her behavior affects me deeply.