Clean up your room.
If I had a nickel for every time my Mom said that I would be rich.
Whatever I cleaned was never clean enough for her.
Bitter, yeah a little.
When my sister or I would complain about a minor injury, we would get:
“Oh no! I guess we’ll have to amputate”, sometimes accompinied with frantic running to the garage to get a saw. We usually decided it wasn’t that bad…
And the “I hope you have one just like you!” curse really does work. But use it carefully. My grandmother used it on my aunt, but it must have transfered to my mom, because my sister is just like my auntie!
“I’m going to turn this car around!”
It wasn’t till I had my own kid that I realized what an utterly empty threat this really was.
“When you grow up, I hope you have kids just like you!”
“You don’t always get to do things you want, you know…”
“Come over here and kneel on the floor with your hands to your ears!” (a punishment I hated, as it took away any dignity I ever had)
“Wait till your dad gets home!”
“Because I said so.”
“You’re the oldest, so you have to set an example” … usually followed by: “What kind of example are you setting for your brother and sister?”
“If you do that ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to get the gy-mo-so out!” (translation: the handle end of the feather duster)
“What did I do, to deserve a child like you?” (said in utter frustration)
“You can’t eat any dinner / read any books / play Nintendo / watch TV / (whatever other privilege) until you bring your marks up / study harder / (whatever other thing she wanted me to do)”
“I won’t talk to you again… look at these marks!” (said memorably when looking at a bad Chinese School report card one night)
“You… stupid… thing!” (it sounds worse in Cantonese)
“You’re not allowed to call me Mom anymore… from now on, you’ll call me Mrs. Lastname.”
“You’re a (half-)boy…” (no, I’m not… I’m a GIRL, dammit!)
“Look at the marks your friends got… why can’t you be like them?”
“You’ve gained weight… that’ll make you ugly and stupid.”
“Your friends wouldn’t do that…” (usually said after I’d committed some grievous sin, in her eyes)
“Look at (this older girl in the church)… she was cooking and doing all the cleaning for her mom at age twelve… I don’t know why you can’t be like that.”
“You’re no good to me… in fact, you’re not worthy to be called my daughter anymore.”
Yep… my mom is and was ALL about the lovey stuff… :rolleyes:
F_X
Oh, and…
“If you don’t like it, you can leave… but we won’t let you go until you have sufficient skills!”
“Put the thing on top of the thing.” (yup, she likes speaking cryptically… and insists we know what she’s talking about, too… um, NO)
F_X
Oh, and…
“If you don’t like it, you can leave… but we won’t let you go until you have sufficient skills!”
“Put the thing on top of the thing.” (yup, she likes speaking cryptically… and insists we know what she’s talking about, too… um, NO)
F_X
Mine was:
“No running in the house”
“Not with the good scissors!”
“Clean your room”
“No tv during the day”
“I hope your kids are as rotten as you”
Or the ultimate threat - “I’ll tell your father what you just did/said”
Yikes… sorry for the double-post. I only pressed “submit” once…
F_X
Egads, I so want to hug Flamsterette_X right now! 
All the ones I remember have been mentioned above, as well as nearly most of the ones I use. The idea of killing one of the four of us as a sacrifice was invoked often, too.
I thought I’d never be able to do that until one Halloween when my (only) son was around 5, he noticed one of our fake tombstone decorations had the name Bob on it. Immediate creation of Bob, the older brother that didn’t listen. Many a cautionary tale has been told regarding Bob’s grevious errors in judgement. At 10, he’s almost sure it’s a myth, but not quite sure, which is precisely where I want him to be anyway. Bwahahaha!
I have some! 
“Would you like some cheese with that whine?”
“I don’t speak Whinese!” (Pronounced like Chinese.)
“What do you know, you have a carpet in your room!” (After cleaning the bedroom.)
“You have to go to school and get an education so you’ll have a decent job!” (Said to me during my cutting class phase. It was said often.)
“Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!”
“Use your inside voice!”
“One! … Two! … Three!”
“Be careful, you’re going to spill that!” Naturally followed by, “I told you to be careful! Now you’ve spilled it!”
“Well, I’d like a million dollars!” (When the kid says, “I want…”)
Hoo boy. Yeah, some o’ these bring back memories.
Lessee here…
“It looks like a bomb went off in here/This room is an absolute pigsty!”"
[sub]Always referring to my less than spotless bedroom.[/sub]
“Knock it off before one of you pokes your eye out.”
[sub]Particularly effective on me, as I did spend one summer wearing an eyepatch, after nearly getting my eye poked out.[/sub]
Don’t know if my mother ever used this one on me, but I find myself saying it fairly often:
(In response to “I want a drink/snack/pony/football/whatever.”)
“It’s nice to want. Makes you appreciate the things you get when you ask nicely for them.”
“It’s a hundred and twelve degrees in here!”
“This house is a goddamn pigsty!”
“How come I’m the only who ever cleans anything up around here?”
She’s a good mom, though, even if she always complains about the house and how hot it is.
“This room is a disaster area.”
YoungCadbury falling down the stairs: Ooooohnooocrapaghargowowowow.
(brief pause of agony)
MomCA: Be careful.
From my Portuguese-speaking father (and often): BASTA! (“Enough!”)
And of course, “Well, that’s what you get for bothering the cat,” and for when we wouldn’t stop crying, “Scars make you look cool.”
“I don’t want to hear about it.” (for any and every fight my sister and I were having)
What is it with mothers and eyes, anyway?
I’m pretty sure Mom thought I could poke my eye out with a wheelbarrow if I wasn’t careful.
my mom’s favorite was “i should blister your butt for this”
and the one i have used myself “you DON’T want me to come up there do you???”
Another I like to use on my kid. When she starts whining that she wants something, I respond “You know what Mick says…” then I start singing* “You can’t always get what you want!”* Lately it’s been abbreviated to eliminate the singing.
Nothing like smart-ass mothering! 
“Put on a sweater I’m freezing!”
And again with the eye theme: “You don’t have enough light to read in here, you’ll make yourself blind.”
Most of these I’ve heard in some fashion or other over the years… one I haven’t seen yet was my Grandma’s
Grandma: Someones planting onions (in response to my landing on my butt from scurrying around the kitchen too fast)
Strange I remember that one I haven’t heard it since I was 6 or so.
Grandma also did the Food thing when I asked what’s for dinner… and of course when I asked what type of food she came up with Food food.
I seem to recall most of my ‘Mom-isms’ come from my Grandma’s… Mom, though a great mom, was a little slack on discipline. Of course being eldest of 9 kids and helping to raise most of them could desensitize you a little…
Oh one more:
Grandma: Don’t spin that chair around! You’ll fall and break something! (Followed shortly after by my falling off and breaking my collarbone)
Scary thing is I know in the upcoming years these and some form of them will be falling from my mouth.
Oh indeed, Flutterby, you can feel the liver spots and grey hairs coming on every time you repeat something verbatim that was last said to you twenty or thirty years ago.
Mr. Rilch’s mom: "Why…
“…is there a plate in the sink?”
“…is the door open?”
“…is [various food item] out?”
“…is this light on?”
“…did you order that [in a restaurant]?”
True story from a few years ago. Mr. Rilch’s mom’s basement was flooded. Unfortunately, Mr. Rilch had stored much of his work from art school down there. He did put it in plastic, but that turned out not to be enough. So. He’s down there, looking at the devastation of years of effort, and his mom says…
…wait for it…
“Why is this closet door open?”
Mr. Rilch —> :smack: :wally :mad: