Mom may have had a stroke: Do I stay or do I go?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My mom, who is a very healthy and active 71yo, may have had a stroke yesterday. I’m in New Jersey and she’s in Utah (2500 miles away). I’m struggling with flying out or not, here are the details:

-Her right arm went numb yesterday and they went to the hospital immediately.

-She’s in the ICU on meds.

-She’s had an ECG and an MRI this morning, we should have results later today.

-My stoic brother, who is with her, said that last night she was regaining movement in her arm and she was alert and laughing (and swearing, a good sign).

-My dramatic sister, who is also with her, says there’s no improvement this morning in the arm and mom is more confused than she was yesterday. Dramatic sister likes dramatic situations, so it’s difficult to parse what the truth is with her.

-Mrs. Jennshark, retired paramedic, says it sounds like a TIA (minor stroke that’s not as serious as a major one). I read that a TIA indicates a more serious stroke is on the way in a third of patients.

I think that if the MRI isn’t alarming I’ll sit tight and monitor the situation. If the MRI and stroke specialist (who hasn’t seen her yet) suggests something serious I’ll head out immediately.

I’m struggling with the “what if the MRI doesn’t show much, but she does have a major stroke this weekend and I didnt go see her” question. At this point, Mom says not to come, but she is of the “yup, cut off my arm with a chainsaw, don’t worry, I’m fine” species; she’s a retired nurse and very pragmatic.

I know many of you have dealt with parental situations like this. What do you think?

2

Go. There is almost no chance you’ll regret visiting her in the hospital and there will be tremendous regret and guilt if you don’t go and the worst happens. Best wishes on your mother’s speedy recovery.

3

Well, I don’t know all the details so I don’t why it sounds like a TIA to your Mrs but regardless, a full on stroke means you are at risk of another stroke too so it doesn’t matter much for whether you need to rush down there.

It’s my understanding that if you get to the hospital quick then the prognosis is pretty good. If she is in decent care I would be pretty confident she’s out of the woods for now, depending on what the MRI shows of course.

My dad took about 3 days to recover from his strokebut it happened overnight so we didn’t get him to the hospital as quickly as you guys. The MRI showed he’d had a couple of mini-strokes in the past that went unnoticed. He passed away many years later of an unrelated illness.

4

I had to make that decision once about twenty years ago, and went after having a conversation with a doctor in the hospital there who said, “You should get here.” (Fortunately my brother pulled through after weeks in ICU.) So perhaps you could talk to a doctor or nurse there, someone who is familiar with her situation? I’m sure they’ve had this conversation before.

5

There’s no way to say without knowing what it will cost you. If going now means you have to cancel the trip you were going to make this summer, so you get two days with her in the hospital instead of the week you were going to stay at her house–I’d let it go. If you are starting a small business and going means closing the shop and that has real implications for whether you can make a go of it, I’d stay put. If going now means that if she has a massive stroke in 3 weeks, there’s no way you can go then, I’d stay put. But if going now just means having to push your work schedule around and putting off re-doing your kitchen a few month, then go.

6

Speaking from experience with parental strokes and being away when a parent was hospitalized, the answer is without question - GO!

I didn’t, and I should have. Enough said.

7

Thanks, all. My Sane and Smart Doctor of Biology Brother is going to talk to my stepfather after they receive the MRI results. we’ll fly home depending on the results (he’s in Arizona, I’m in NJ). I found a $98 fare(!) from Frontier out of Trenton and can literally be at the airfield in 10 minutes to catch a flight.

So, sitting tight (and tense) for the MRI report. If there’s even a hint that she’s in trouble I’ll be out the door.

I am, of course, going into finals week and have a million papers to grade and things to do. AND, on top of everything else, Mrs. Jennshark’s cousin died suddenly last night; we/she will be schlepping to Staten Island on Sunday for the service.

8

Go. My father had a TIA and it was the beginning of the very end.

9

No you don’t. Your place of employment will have contingency grading plans for your absence.

10

I’m an ER nurse and have to deal with this question a lot. I also have personal experience with this situation.

The answer is go.
Regardless of the outcome, people seldom regret that they went. If the outcome is bad you may question your decision for a long time.

Good luck and I hope your mom makes a full recovery.

11

You’ve worked for better teaching institutions than I ever have…

12

Thanks, all. MRI shows stroke in left lobe; docs say it was caught early and good prognosis.

13

That’s good news, I really hope your mom recovers quickly and doesn’t have any long term issues as a result. Take care of yourself, I understand how very stressful such news can be. Hugs.

14

Yes, really good news.

15

Thx, friends. Just talked to mom, she sounds great. Arm is still numb, but no aphasia or other issues. She doesn’t want me to come out – my bag is packed (literally) if I need to bug out immediately.

This is the first time I’ve really confronted the fact that my parents are mortal. Scary stuff.

16

I’m still recovering from the stroke I had 18 months ago. I spent a week in the cardiac unit and 3 in rehab. I really appreciated visitors.

17

Got it in one. Tired and Cranky for the win. +1. I agree.

Look at it from a cost-benefit. There’s only benefit from going. There’s enormous potential cost for NOT going.

So rally around. Go see your mom. Worse come to worse, you’ve seen your family. And no one, no one at all, can begrudge you that under the circumstances.

18

Bolding mine. Does she mean it?

19

She may be disappointed if you do visit, but odds are she’ll be more disappointed if you don’t.

20

GO.

Last September, when my MIL was in the hospital, the docs were saying all the readings were positive, she was improving, until literally hours before she died.

You never know. GO.