Is there anything which can cause so much stress as money? I mean, most of us have been there, sitting on the precarious point waiting for the next paycheck so we can replenish the stores.
Well, I’ve danced that line for a while and I’m trying desperately to build up a buffer but it isn’t working to well right now.
But my family on a whole is in a more precarious position than I’ve ever known it to be. Mom’s ordeal has obviously been a drain and had it not been for very generous donations over the past months we would be in a dire dire situation, as it was we’ve floated along in a less than comfortable, but not dangerous level of finances.
Dad has done computer repairs for the past fifteen years and is finally being squeezed out by various factors, so two years ago he began getting into business brokerage. But that isn’t a steady source of income and he hasn’t had a sale in a while, so money has been getting scarcer and scarcer.
Last week, I reminded him that the final installment of my community college tuition was going to come through. We had to do it through his bank because at the time it was due, he had the money and I didn’t, or else I would have done it on my own account. But so I recall telling him about it.
Apparently he had no recollection of it. I know he’s busy and distracted and incredibly stressed, but this isn’t my fault. I did warn him. So when it came through today it nearly wiped his account out. And he is irate.
We had previously discussed a need for some groceries, so taking the discussion as permission to purchase. I frugally selected items and spent just over $30. I walk in the door after a long day of classes and work and I’m just exhausted. For much of the world, their opinions mean absolutely nothing to me - I let it roll off and go on with my day, but my father is one of the few people whose opinion truly deeply matters to me.
His slightest disapproval was (and still sometimes is) enough to wreck my day and send me crying with disappointment. I’m sitting here trying to wrangle feelings and regain composure so I can study and get on with my night. So to walk into that shit storm was enough to rock my world and ruin a decent day.
I have to remind myself, I didn’t screw up here. He’s venting pent up frustration and stress on me due to this incident, if he was any less stressed this would be a much smaller issue, but I ended up being in the line of fire and now I’m trying to nurse my wounds.
It’ll work out in the end, I just needed to vent off into SDMBspace.
– IG