WANTED
Arthur X
FOR
ARMED ROBBERY
©Python (Monty) Pictures, Ltd. Produced under license by Cornerstone Communications, Inc.
Of course, madam. It’s Christmas every day in Heaven.
You lucky bastard! You lucky, lucky bastard!
They must think the sun shines out your ass.
(My niece just got back from a trip to London. She visited the Tower of London; the guidebook has a chapter by “ex-Python and English history expert Terry Jones” on life at court in the Middle Ages.)
Oh, so you’re Italian, then?
All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Lemon curry?
Are you just going to show me movies all night?
Just one more dear.
That’s not a non sequitur. 
Hello. I would like to buy a fish license, please.
It’s…
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that’s the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you’re feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth
Look, I came in here to have an argument!
The Larch. The… Larch.
I’m sorry about that, but I always introduce this programme, not him.
Hurry, it’s the final credits!
Lady chairman, sir, shareholders, ladies and gentlemen. I have great pleasure in announcing that owning to a cut-back on surplus expenditure of twelve million Canadian dollars, plus a refund of seven and a half million Deutschmakrs from the Swiss branch, and in addition adding the debenture preference stock of the three and three quarter million to the directors’ reserve currency account of seven and a half million, plus an upward expenditure margin of eleven and a half thousand lire, due to a rise in captial investment of ten million pounds, this firm last year made a complete profit of a shilling.
Splunge!
Rumpletweezer ran the Dinky
Tinky shop in the foot of the Magic
Oak tree by the wobbly
dum dum tree in the shade of the
magic glade down in Dinly Dell.
Here he sold contraceptives,
© 1995, Python (Monty) Pictures, Ltd. Produced under license by Cornerstone Communications, Inc.
All right, Neville love, we’re going from ‘unemployment’ through ‘pensions’ into ‘good government is strong government’ and the walk down, all right? And… cue, love.