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Lord! I am affected by a bald patch.
Ni!
Run away!
I’m not dead.
Nothing, nothing, I just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn…gorn.It’s got a sort of woody quality about it. Gorn. Gorn. Much better than ‘newspaper’ or ‘litterbin’.
Good morning. I’m sorry to have kept you waiting, but I’m afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently, and so it takes me rather longer to get to work.
If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. Now this is extremely nasty. (pause) But we can’t prosecute you for that.
I come about your advert - ‘Small white pussy cat for sale. Excellent condition’.
The cat just choked on a lupin!
No, no, I meant terrible in the sense of unfortunate.
Will you stand UP, please?
After several seconds Mr Nesbitt has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover. Bush explodes, we hear a muffled scream
When the Piranhas left school they were called up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called ‘The Operation’. They would select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called protection money. Four months later they started another operation which the called ‘The Other Operation’. In this racket they selected another victim and threatened not to beat him up if he didn’t pay them. One month later they hit upon ‘The Other Other Operation’. In this the victim was threatened that if he didn’t pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Piranha brothers was the turning point.
Read to me a bit, dear wife, of Will Shakespeare’s Gay Boys in Bondage.
Dinsdale
One on’t cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Geoffrey was a mounted policeman - with a difference.
Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise… our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency… Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope… Our four…no… amongst our weapons… amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise… I’ll come in again.