Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1)

What do people mean when they say things?

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

Look, sonny, when you’re the king of France, you got better things to do than go around rembering your bloody number!

I’ve kept my vow for eighteen years. Not a single, recognizable, articulate sound has passed my lips!

I don’t care how fucking runny it is.

The audience were bemused by his persistent, unscheduled appearances and cries of “Wot’s all this, then?” during the rape scene.

Ooh … why does anyone want to be a private dick? Fame, money, glamour, excitement, sex!

At last! A call, a cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail!

Brave, brave Concorde: you shall not have died in vain!

Joke, sir? Guaranteed amusing. As used by the crowned heads of Europe. Has brought tears to the eyes of Royalty. ‘Denmark has never laughed so much’ - ‘The Stage’. Nice little novelty number - ‘a naughty Humphrey’ - breaks the ice at parties. Put it on the table. Press the button. It vomits. Absolutely guaranteed.

We have a lot of trouble with these oldies. Pension day’s the worst - they go mad. As soon as they get their hands on their money they blow it all on milk, bread, tea, tin of meat for the cat.

… I’m fed up with being treated like sheep. What’s the point of going abroad if you’re just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea - ‘Oh they don’t make it properly here, do they, not like at home’ - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney’s Red Barrel and calamaris and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White’s suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they overdid it on the first day.And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Bontinentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they’re acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you’re not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the …

It’s a pig’s life, er, man’s life, in the modern British Army.

If I might put my head on the chopping block so you can kick it around a bit, sir…

Man!

Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

A duck!

From the makers of ‘Gunfight at the OK Corral in Morse Code’.

It’s a bazooka!

It’s not a balloon!!

mmm, Crunchy Frog, heap good.