A path! A path!
He has given us a sign! He has given us…his shoe!
Shut your festering gob, you tit!
You’re in luck; here’s the Lord Mayor.
Cardboard box? You were lucky.
Luxury.
Blessed are the cheesemakers?
Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that’s my name.
Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, Brahms, Panties…I’m sorry…Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach. Names that will live for ever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats. Why is it that the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm? To do justice to this man, thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music, we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. We start with an interview with his only surviving relative Karl Gambolputty de von Ausfern…
Well, I didn’t vote for him.
Hang on a tick, this redistribution of wealth’s trickier than I thought.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, he’s not in this bit.
I must warn you, sir, that outside I have police dog Josephine, who is not only armed, and trained to sniff out certain substances, but is also a junkie.
“My dog has no nose.” “How does it smell?” “Awful!”
But soon the killer sheep began to infect other animals with its startling intelligence. Pussy cats began to arrange mortgages, cocker spaniels began to design supermarkets… and parrots started to announce television programmes. It’s 8 o’clock and time for the news.
Now if anybody else pinches my phrase I’ll throw them under a camel.
About one, call it none.
Oh I know, you don’t like the kangaroo.
It’s British sir.
Splunge!