What do you know about it? What do you know about getting up at five o’clock in t’morning to fly to Paris… back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well-known Scottish footballer. That’s a full working day, lad, and don’t you forget it!
Right. Now, uh, item four: attainment of world supremacy within the next five years. Uh, Francis, you’ve been doing some work on this.
No right, well gentlemen, I’ll just remind you of the faculty rules: Rule one - no pooftahs. Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever - if there’s anybody watching. Rule three - no pooftahs. Rule four - I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out. Rule five - no pooftahs. Rule six - there is no rule six! Rule seven - no pooftahs. That concludes the reading of the rules, Bruce.
Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking. And after the spanking… the oral sex!
He hasn’t got shit all over him.
Luxury!
Yes I quite agree with you, I mean what’s the point of being treated like a sheep, I mean I’m fed up with going abroad and being treated like a sheep, what’s the point of being carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their ‘Sunday Mirrors’, complaining about the tea, ‘Oh they don’t make it properly here do they not like at home’ stopping at Majorcan bodegas, selling fish and chips and Watney’s Red Barrel and calamares and two veg and sitting in cotton sun frocks squirting Timothy White’s suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh cos they ‘overdid it on the first day’!
Stop. Stop there! Stop there. Whew! Our chief weapon is surprise, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
You’ve … you’ve got a nice army base here, Colonel. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to it.
Mm. Well, how about the Dungeon Room?
No. 1. The Larch.
Llamas are dangerous, so if you see one where people are swimming, you shout… **Look out, there are llamas! **
The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.
The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute:
**
Executive Producer
JOHN GOLDSTONE & “RALPH” The Wonder Llama
Producer
MARK FORSTATER
Assisted By
EARL J. LLAMA
MILT Q. LLAMA III
SY LLAMA
MERLE Z. LLAMA IX
Directed By
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS
6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS
142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS
14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)
REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON
76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM “LLAMA-FRESH” FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY
and
TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES**
We done passionfruit.
Your wife not nurse. She Nurse. Your wife patient. Be patient. She Nurse. Your wife. Me doctor. Yew Tree. U-trecht. U-trillo, U Thant, Euphemism. Me Doctor.
Someone in Norway likes Monty Python: This “Silly Walk” Sign At A Crosswalk In Norway Is The Future Of Traff
Now I’m really cheesed off. I mean it’s not your high-brow bleeding plays that pull in the viewers, you know.
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! … Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Oh, ‘an aeroplane’. Oh, I say, we are grand, aren’t we?* (imitation posh accent)* ‘Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater. I’m off to play the grand piano’. ‘Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane.’ Now get on the table!
Cardboard box? You were lucky.