What I was thinking was, I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the arse, to be blunt.
Still, what is washing when we are on the verge of a great scientific breakthrough?
I don’t know. I just don’t know. I really just don’t know. I’m afraid I really just don’t know. I’m afraid even I really just don’t know. I have to tell you I’m afraid even I really just don’t know. I’m afraid I have to tell you…
I come about your advert - ‘Small white pussy cat for sale. Excellent condition’.
Lemming Lemming
Lemming of the BDA
Lemming Lemming
Lemming of the BD - Lemming of the BD - Lemming of the BD, BDAaaaaaa.
It’s a man’s life in the British Dental Association!
Highlights of that broadcast will be discussed later by Lord George-Brown, ex-Foreign Secretary, Mr Sven Olafson, the ex-Norwegian Minister of Finance, Sir Charles Ollendorff, ex-Chairman of the Norwegian Trades Council, Mr Hamish McLavell, the Mayor of Wick, the nearest large town to Norway, Mrs Betty Norday, whose name sounds remarkably like Norway, Mr Brian Waynor, whose name is an anagram of Norway, Mr and Mrs Ford, whose name sounds like Fiord, of which there are a lot in Norway.
And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.”
The text, vic! Don’t say the text!
What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during Tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theater critics exterminating mutant goats.
Well, we haven’t got any lupins.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Galloping through the sward,
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
And his horse Concorde.
He steals from the rich and
Gives to the poor.
Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore.
When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, Brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave Sir Robin
Petrified of being dead
Soiled his pants then brave Sir Robin
Turned away and fled
I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dum dum dum the night.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dum de dum dum plight.
He steals dum dum dum
And dum dum dum dee
Dennis dum, Dennis dee, dum dum dum.
Well, on second thought, let’s not go to Camelot: it is a silly place. Right.
I’m sorry, is this a 5 minute argument or the full half hour?
I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
Although my name’s not Bamber.
I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
I…Oh God!
There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself. (silence) I wish I hadn’t said that.
And he’s down again, and I don’t think he’s going to get up this time. [referee counts him out] No, Jack Bodel has defeated Sir Kenneth Clark in the very first round here tonight and so this big Lincolnshire heavyweight becomes the new Oxford Professor of Fine Art.
Simon’s there and he’s putting the boot in, and not terribly hard, but he’s going down and Simon can move on. Now Vivian’s there. Vivian is there and waiting for a chance. Here he comes, oh a piledriver, a real piledriver, and now Simon’s on No. l, Vivian 2, Nigel 3, Gervaise on 4 and Oliver bringing up the rear. Ah there’s Oliver (Oliver is still trying to jump the matchboxes), there’s Oliver now, he’s at the back. I think he’s having a little trouble with his old brain injury, he’s going to have a go, no, no, bad luck, he’s up, he doesn’t know when he’s beaten, this boy, he doesn’t know when he’s winning either. He doesn’t have any sort of sensory apparatus.