No, sorry - Thursday’s RIGHT!!! OUT!!!
Mr Oliver Cavendish of Leicester, who claims to be able to recite the entire Bible in one second, whilst being struck on the head with a large axe. Ha, ha, wow. We’ve since discovered that he was a fraud, yes a fraud, he did not in fact recite the entire Bible he merely recited the first two words, ‘In the…’ before his death.
Not much of a cheese shop, is it, really?
If you want to join the PFJ, you’d really have to hate the Romans.
It’s a bazooka!
Splunge?
I’m taking this lot in in the name of Her Gracious Majesty Queen Elizabeth.
Hold it, please! Hold it! This is Sir Lancelot from the court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today.
I…want…more…b-e-a-n-s!!!
You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you’ve done to him! He’s worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honourable man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss. Oh… it makes me mad… mad!
You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer, you are to be stoned to death.
Exhibit A m’lud, Miss Rita Thang, an artist’s model, Swedish accordion teacher and cane-chair sales lady, was found guilty under the Rude Behaviour Act in the accused’s court. The accused, m’lud, sentenced her to be taken from this place and brought round to his place.
Theatrical managers in this area have not been slow to appreciate the sea’s tremendous dramatic value. And somewhere, out in this bay, is the first underwater production of Measure for Measure.
Can I please speak! I came all the way from Oslo to do this program! I’m a professor of archaeology. I’m an expert in ancient civilizations. All right, I’m only five foot ten. All right my posture is bad, all right I slump in my chair. But I’ve had more women than either of you two! I’ve had half bloody Norway, that’s what I’ve had! So you can keep your Robert Eversley! And you can keep your bloody Watutsi! I’d rather have my little body… my little five-foot-ten-inch body… (he breaks down sobbing)
No no, I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.
I want that man fighting wild dogs by the end of the day!
We didn’t. Oh great. That’s even better. I’ll put it back in. Rewrite. (calling) Scene one’s back in everyone. Scene one’s back in. Great. Great. (to Conger) This is the scene - outside the tent - it’s all bloody marvelous. It makes you want to throw up.
I would only perform in a scene in which there was full frontal nudity.
Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom. We haven’t got enough mud.
This house is surrounded. I’m afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody … no, I must ask everybody to… I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I … I … ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room… as it is… with them in it. Phew. Understand?