Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1)

Don’t come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.

We’ll have none of your imperialist tidbits!

Albatross!

Of course they’ve brought forth juniper berries. They’re juniper bushes! What do you expect?!

Is your name not Bruce, then?

Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie MacAdam Jarrett, you have been convicted by twelve good persons and true, of the crime of first degree making of gratuitous, sexist jokes in a moving picture.

Good evening. Here is the news for Parrots. No parrots were involved in an accident on the M1 today when a lorry carrying high-octane fuel was in collision with a bollard. That’s a bollard and not a parrot. A spokesman for parrots said he was glad no parrots were involved. The Minister of Technology (photo of minister with parrot on his shoulder) today met the three Russian leaders (cut to photograph of Brezhnev, Podgorny and Kosygin all in a group and each with a parrot on his shoulder) to discuss a £4 million airliner deal…(cut back to narrator) None of them went in the cage, or swung on the little wooden trapeze or ate any of the nice millet seed yum, yum.

Rondar, untie Mr. Paslow!

Regards,
Shodan

But it’s my only line!

Oh, yes, definitely - “splunge” for me, too.

The Theory by A. Elk brackets Miss brackets. My theory is along the following lines…All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much MUCH thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine, and what it is too.

Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights.

It’s only a model.

I feel happy!

So there I was, perched on the very brink of that precipitous descent, contemplating infinity and generally exulting in the overwhelming beneficence of that sultry afternoon, when suddenly

Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then ‘whoop’) Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat (laughs) (squeaker) Gilbert (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the’ (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) ‘Don’t Sleep In The Subway’ Barton Mainwaring (hoot, ‘whoop’) Smith (Very Silly Party)… two.

Aw, yeah (cough, hack, expectorate, cough) After five years they give me a brush.

Ooh I don’t like this, Ooh I don’t like that. Oh I don’t think much to all this. Oh fancy using that wallpaper. Fancy using mustard. Oo is that a proper one? Oo it’s not real. Oh I don’t think it’s a proper restaurant unless they give you finger bowls. Oo I don’t like him. I’m going to have a baby in a few years.

Dinsdale!

A duck!