Once upon a time there was a fairy who had more time on her hands than she knew what to do with. Now this was not a good thing because, as everyone knows …
Good morning, gentlemen. This is a twelwe-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these…
Ni!
In the studio tonight: Lord Porlman, Chairman of the Committee, Sir Charles Avery, Employers’ Reorganization Council, and Ray Millichope, leader of the Allied Technicians’ Union. And they’re going to make a human pyramid.
The name’s Shabby, Ken Shabby.
You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what’s coming to you! I’ll bite your legs off!
Thank you. Thank you, and welcome to a very stupid evening.
Well, this is much as I predicted, except that the Silly Party candidate won.
I want you kids to get ahead!
He’s a soothsayer.
What’s a soothsayer?
Well, he speaks for sooth. All the others speak for themselves.
You’re very knowledgeable, aren’t you?
Oh, well - I do have a degree in discombobulation.
Discom … what?
Bullshit.
What’s …?
Listen: strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
No, no: Aaaaaaaargh.
Dinsdale.
Gimme the 'oop!
Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of “Blood, Devastation, Death, War and Horror,” and later on we’ll be meeting a man who does gardening. But first on the show we’ve got a man who speaks entirely in anagrams.
The llama is a quadruped which lives in the big rivers like the Amazon. It has two ears, a heart, a forehead, and a beak for eating honey. But it is provided with fins for swimming.
You lucky bastard!
So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles!
A Martian for me, a Martian for me …
You’re really into aliens, aren’t you?
Oh, yes! I just love the way they snap, crackle, pop.
Sounds more like a breakfast food.
Oh, you can have them any time …
Well, those were the titles. And now for the first item this evening on the Menu - ha ha - the team have chosen as a little hors d’oeuvres an item - and I think we can be sure it won’t be an ordinary item - in fact the team told me just before the show that anything could happen, and probably would - so let’s have … the item.