Warning: Larks’ Vomit!
Look! It’s Bicycle Repair Man! But… how?
It’s *spelled *Raymond Luxury-Yacht, but it’s pronounced Throat-Warbler Mangrove.
Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!
Well she’s broken our hearts, the little bastard. She’s been nothing but trouble and if she comes round here again I’ll kick her teeth in.
It’s not a palindrome. Bolton spelt backwards is “Notlob.”
Take it away Eric the Orchestra Leader
A-one, two, a-one two three four
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D’you see?
But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?
-singing
La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.
Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It’s Eric the half a bee!
Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.
I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.
He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.
The End
Cyril Connolly?
No, semi-carnally
Oh
Cyril Connoly
Yes, she’s very good.
They must think the sun shines out o’ your arse, sonny.
We are NOT ess-kee-moes!
Rule 1: No poofters.
Rule 2: No member of the faculty is to maltreat the “Abos” in any way whatsoever—if there’s anyone watching.
Rule 3: No poofters.
Rule 4 : I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out.
Rule 5: No poofters.
Rule 6: There is no rule six.
Rule 7: No poofters.
Right! Bananas! How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. (to first man) Here, you, take this. (throws him a banana) Now, it’s quite simple to defend yourself against the banana fiend. First of all, you force him to drop the banana, next, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless.
My doorbell rang at 1 am -
it gave me quite a fright.
My neighbour stood there on the step;
and would she stay the night?
“Oh, no,” said she, with haughty frown,
"I haven’t come for that!
"I’m leaving town at crack of dawn -
“I’ve come to get my hat.”
I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay.
I want to be a lion-tamer.
Wait for it… fetch out the funny things.
And now here comes Vivian, to insult the waiter, and he is heaping abuse on him, and he is humiliating him, and he’s gone into the lead. Simon’s not with him, no Vivian’s in front of him at the bar. Simon’s got to get under this bar and this is extremely difficult as it requires absolutely expert co-ordination between mind and body. No Vivian isn’t there. Here we go again and Simon’s fallen backwards. Here’s Nigel, he’s tripped, Nigel has tripped, and he’s under and Simon fails again, er, here is Gervaise, and Simon is through by accident. Here’s Gervaise to be the last one over, there we are, here’s Nigel right at the head of the field, and now he’s going to shoot the rabbit, and these rabbits have been tied to the ground, and they’re going to be a bit frisky, and this is only a one-day event. And they’re blazing away there. They’re not getting quite the results that they might, Gervaise is in there trying to bash it to death with the butt of his rifle, and I think Nigel’s in there with his bare hands, but they’re not getting the results that they might, but it is a little bit misty today and they must be shooting from a range of at least one foot. But they’ve had a couple of hits there I think, yes, they’ve had a couple of hits, and the whole field is up again and here they are.
Er, well my manager explained it to me. You see if you’re five miles out over the English Channel, with nothing but sea underneath you, er, there is a very great impetus to say in the air.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, etc. etc.
We did think once of having it changed by deed-poll, you know - to Watson or something like that. But A Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Watson’s just as bad eh?