Well…ahah… Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think, ah, any of our contestants this evening has succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust’s masterwork. So, I’m going to award the First Prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.
She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huuuuge…tracts of land!
It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
The rules are very simple: each week we get a large fee; at the end of that week we get another large fee; if there’s been no interruption at the end of the year we get a repeat fee which can be added on for tax purposes to the previous year or the following year if there’s no new series. Every contestant, in addition to getting a large fee is entitled to three drinks at the BBC or if the show is over, seven drinks - unless he is an MP, in which case he can have seven drinks before the show, or a bishop only three drinks in toto. The winners will receive an additional fee, a prize which they can flog back and a special fee for a guest appearance on ‘Late Night Line Up’. Well, those are the rules, that’s the game, we’ll be back again same time next week. Till then. Bye-bye.
He does the thing with one of those silly women who can’t tell Whizzo butter from a dead crab.
And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.
Well, you can’t blame British Rail for that.
If you say Kant once more, I’ll have you arrested.
It’s a fair cop
Well there may be no score, but there’s certainly no lack of excitement here. As you can see, Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius he say, “Name go in book”. And this is Nietzsche’s third booking in four games.
The plumage don’t enter into it.
Good evening, and welcome once again to the Epilogue. On the programme this evening we have Monsignor Edward Gay, visiting Pastoral Emissary of the Somerset Theological College and author of a number of books about belief, the most recent of which is the best seller ‘My God’. And opposite him we have Dr Tom Jack: humanist, broadcaster, lecturer and author of the book ‘Hello Sailor’. Tonight, instead of discussing the existence or non-existence of God, they have decided to fight for it. The existence, or non-existence, to be determined by two falls, two submissions, or a knockout. All right boys, let’s get to it. Your master of ceremonies for this evening - Mr Arthur Waring.
Open the door! Open the door! In the name of King Arthur, open the door!
The report says that she was torn between two lovers.
Good heavens! And who got what?
The report doesn’t say.
I told you once…
I’ve been to more gala luncheons than you’ve had hot dinners, and don’t you forget it, lad!
No, you haven’t…
Well, there we are then, that was the restaurant sketch, a nice little number…a bit vicious in parts, but a lot of fun…but how about that punch line, eh?..Oh, you know what I mean - oh…oh…really.
If only Bicycle Repair Man were here!
Lemon curry?