Well done Giuseppe, or, as the Italians would say: ‘Molto bene, Giuseppe’.
No, no, no. The shoe is a sign that we must gather shoes together in abundance!
Each nasty little hornet
Each beastly little squid
Who made the spiky urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!
No, no. Look. This shed business, it doesn’t really matter at all, the sheds aren’t important. It’s just a few friends call me Two Sheds and that’s all there is to it. I wish you’d ask me about my music. I’m a composer. People always ask me about the sheds, they’ve got it out of proportion, I’m fed up with the shed, I wish I’d never got it in the first place.
The Minister for Not Listening to People toured Batley today to investigate allegations of victimization in home-loan improvement grants, made last week by the Shadow Minister for Judging People at First Sight, to be marginally worse than they actually are.
All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.
Do you want to come upstairs?
Exactly. Birds is the key to the whole problem. It’s my belief that these sheep are laborin’ under the misapprehension that they’re birds. Observe their behavior. Take for a start the sheeps’ tendency to 'op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as…plummet. Observe for example that ewe in that oak tree. She is clearly trying to teach her lamb to fly. Talk about the blind leading the blind.
O Lord, please don’t burn us.
Don’t grill or toast Your flock.
Don’t put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don’t braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
Oh, please don’t lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat.
Don’t fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don’t stick Thy servants, Lord,
In a Rotissomat.
Pie Jesu Domine, Dona eis requiem…
[thwack!!!]
Pie Jesu Domine, Dona eis requiem…
[thwack!!!]
Pie Jesu Domine, Dona eis requiem…
[thwack!!!]
and now for something completely different:
Well, as I say, we’ve always been good friends, sharing the interests, the gardening and so on, the model aeroplanes, the sixpenny bottle for the holiday money, and indeed twice a month settling down in the evenings doing the accounts, something which, er, Deirdre, Deirdre that’s my wife, er, particularly looked forward to on account of her feet - I should probably have said at the outset that I’m noted for having something of a sense of humor, although I have kept myself very much to myself over the last two years notwithstanding, as it were, and it’s only as comparatively recently that I began to realize - well, er perhaps realize is not the correct word, er, imagine, imagine, that I was not the only thing in her life.
You can go to a stoning any time.
Are there any women here…?
Well, you’ve … slept with a lady … ?
Yes?
What’s it like?
Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert!
Ah, well. This is where my claim falls to the ground. There’s no possible way of answering that argument, I’m afraid. I was only hoping you would not make that particular point, but I can see you’re more than a match for me!
Geoffrey was a mounted policeman - with a difference.
There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed.
Just like my Kevin. Show him an exhibition of early eighteenth-century Dresden Pottery and he goes berserk.