Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1)

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

In contrast to the site in Bristol, it’s progress here on Britain’s first eighteen-level motorway interchange being built by characters from Milton’s Paradise Lost.

Aha - anti-Semitism!

You’re using coconuts!

Oh ja. When I first met Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm, he was with his wife, Sarah Gambolputty de von.

There are some who call me… Tim?

What a stroke of luck. Now perhaps cycling will become less precarious.

For the last time, I’m not Sir Philip Bleedin’ Sydney!

Oh, you dumb cluck! We spent weeks organizing this job. Reg rented a room across the road and filmed the people going in and out every day. Vic spent three weeks looking at watch catalogues…until he knew the price of each one backwards, and now I’m not going to risk the whole raid just for the sake of breaking the law.

Yea, verily, at that time, it is written in the book of Obadiah: a man shall strike his donkey and his nephew’s donkey and anyone…in the vicinity…of his nephew or the donkey.

Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.’"

It’s quite staggeringly popular at the manor, squire.

Mind if we call you ‘Bruce’ to keep it clear?

“Are you suggesting we eat my mother?”

“Tell you what, afterwards we’ll dig a grave and you can throw up in it.”

French Ticklers, Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs: sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.

:: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzip thunk ::

Message for you, sir.

Good evening. I’d like to talk to you tonight about the place of the nude in my bed … um … in the history of my bed … of art, of art, I’m sorry. The place of the nude in the history of tart… call-girl… I’m sorry. I’ll start again… Bum … oh what a giveaway. The place of the nude in art.

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held Excalibur aloft from the bosom of the water to signify by Divine Providence … that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur … That is why I am your king!

Well last week on Fish Club we learnt how to sex a pike, and this week we’re going to learn how to feed a goldfish. Now contrary to what most people think the goldfish has a ravenous appetite. If it doesn’t get enough protein it gets very thin and its bones begin to stick out and its fins start to fall off. So once a week give your goldfish a really good meal. Here’s one specially recommended by the Board of Irresponsible People: first, some cold consommé or a gazpacho, then some sausages with spring greens, sauteed potatoes, and bread and gravy.

Come to think of it, just about everyone has a better sense of humor than I do.