Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what’s coming to you! I’ll bite your legs off!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Refreshment Room here at Bletchley. (applause) My name is Kenny Lust and I’m your compere for tonight. You know, once in a while it is my pleasure, and my privilege, to welcome here at the Refreshment Room, some of the truly great international artists of our time. (applause) And tonight we have one such artist. (grovelling) Ladies and gentlemen, someone whom I’ve always personally admired, perhaps more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than ever before. (applause) A man, well more than a man, a god (applause), a great god, whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful my feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate. (by now on his knees) Someone whose boots I would gladly lick clean until holes wore through my tongue, a man who is so totally and utterly wonderful, that I would rather be sealed in a pit of my own filth, than dare tread on the same stage with him. Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparably superior human being, Harry Fink!
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think any of our contestants tonight succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust’s masterwork. So, I’m going to give the award to the girl with the biggest tits.
Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then ‘whoop’) Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat (squeaker) Gilbert (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the’ (three shots) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) ‘Don’t Sleep In The Subway’ Barton Mainwaring (hoot, ‘whoop’) Smith… two.
Yes, shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
Today saw the appointment of a new head of Allied Bomber Command - Air Chief Marshal Sir Vincent ‘Kill the Japs’ Forster. He’s in our Birmingham studio.
I see. Well, er, it looks as if Ron is ready now. He’s got the bricks…He’s had his passport checked and he’s all set to go…And he’s off, on the first ever cross-Channel jump.
And there’s, there’s Simon now in the sports car, he’s reversed into the old woman, he’s caught her absolutely beautifully. Now, he’s going to accelerate forward there to wake up the neighbor. There’s Vivian I think, no, Vivian’s lost his keys - no, there’s Vivian, he’s got the old woman, slowly but surely right in the midriff, and here he is. Here he is to wake up the neighbor now. Simon right in the lead, comfortably in the lead, but he can’t get this neighbor woken up. He’s slamming away there as best he can. He’s getting absolutely no reaction at all. There, he’s woken him up and Simon’s through! Here comes Vivian, Vivian to slam the door, and there we are back at the Hunt Ball, I think that’s Gervaise there, that’s Gervaise going through there, and here, here comes Oliver, brave Oliver. Is he going to make it to the table? No, I don’t think he is - yes he is, he did it! And the crowd are rising to him there, and there I can see, who is that there… yes, that’s Nigel! Nigel has woken the neighbor! My God, this is exciting! Nigel’s got very excited and he’s going through - and here comes Gervaise. Gervaise, oh no this is, er, out in the front there is Simon who is supposed to insult the waiter and he’s forgotten… and Oliver has run himself over. What a great twit!
Once upon a time, there was an enchanted prince, who ruled the land beyond the wobbles. One day, he discovered a spot on his face. Foolishly, he ignored it…and three years later, he died of cancer. The spot, however, flourished, and soon set out to seek its fortune.
And those continentals had better watch out for their dirty foreign literature. Jean-Paul Sartre and Jean Genet won’t know what’s hit them. Never mind the foulness of their language - come '73 they’ll all have to write in British. You can keep your fastidious continental bidets Mrs Foreigner - Mrs Britain knows how to keep her feet clean … but she’ll baffle like bingo boys when it comes to keeping the television screen clean…
Another loose-living gastropod is the periwinkle. This shameless little libertine with its characteristic ventral locomotion is not the marrying kind! “Anywhere, anytime” is its motto, off with the shell and they’re at it!
Proust in his first book wrote about, wrote about, fa-la-la-la, Proust in
his first book wrote about, he wrote about, fa-la-la-la, he wrote about,
he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about, he wrote about. Proust, in his first book, in his first book, wrooote, aaaa-boooouuut, the-(buzzer)
Møøse trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA.
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!
Well, that’s the end of the film. Now, here’s the meaning of life… Well, it’s nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
No, I’m still putting a tuck in the Airedale, and then I got the frogs to let out.
Hang on a tick. This redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought.
The randiest of the gastropods is the limpet. This hot-blooded little beast with its tent-like shell is always on the job. Its extra-marital activities are something startling. Frankly I don’t know how the female limpet finds the time to adhere to the rock-face.
That’s nothing like a willow.
Where are we going to get 44 tons of plankton from every morning? Your dad was dead vexed about that. They thought he was mad in the deli.