We’re interrupting this sketch but we’ll be bringing you back the moment anything interesting happens. Meanwhile here are some friends of mine.
If we took the bones out, it wouldn’t be crunchy, would it?
No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle.
Build a bridge out of her!
Mrs. Conclusion: We’re going to have our budgie put down.
Mrs. Premise: Really? Is it very old?
Mrs. Conclusion: No. We just don’t like it.
Well, for a staaart, at the office where I wooork, I can be sitting at my desk aalllll daaay and the others to-tally ignore me. At home, even though we are in the same room, my wife does not speak to me for hours, people pass me by in the street without a glance in my direction, and I can walk into a room without the slightest notice…EVEN NOW, you, yourself, do hardly notice me…
Does anyone speak Swahili?
It’s funny how one can go through life, as I have, disliking bananas and being indifferent to cheese, and then be able to eat, and enjoy, a banana and cheese sandwich like this.
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
Jimmy, at least one ageing football commentator was gladdened last night by the sight of an English footballer breaking free of the limpid tentacles of packed Mediterranean defence.
Buzzard: Good evening Brian.
Frank’s a nice name. President Nixon’s got a hedgehog called Frank.
Here comes Bomber now, circling round, looking for an opening. He’s wrestled himself many times in the past, this boy, so he knows practically all his own moves by now. And he’s going for the double hand lock. He’s got it. Here’s the head squeeze. And the Albanian head lock. He’s going for the throw. He’s got the throw. And now he’s working on the left leg, this is an old weakness of his. Oh, but he caught himself beautifully there, with the, er, the flying Welshman, and now it’s the half Nelson. And he can twist out of this. And he’s twisted beautifully into the Finnish leg lock. But he didn’t like that! He did not like that one little bit. But the referee’s not interested, he’s waving him on, and Bomber’s angry now. Bomber is really angry with himself now. And there’s a forearm chop and he’s gone for the double overhead nostril. Now this is painful, but he caught himself beautifully, a really lovely move there. Now he’s going for the fall. The shoulders have to be on the mat for three seconds. No, he’s twisting out of that, no problem here. Oh, but he’s caught himself beautifully there, with the double overhead. He’s got the double overhead on, I don’t think he can get out of this.
What a strange turn this cycling tour has taken. Mr Gulliver appears to have lost his memory and far from being interested in safer food is now convinced that he is Clodagh Rogers, the young girl singer.
This house is surrounded. I’m afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody… no, I must ask everybody to… I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I… I… ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room… as it is… with them in it. Phew. Understand?
Shut up! This a hold-up, not a botany lesson.
Get out, Mr Librarian Phipps, seeing as you’re not a gorilla, but only dressed up as one, trying to deceive us in order to further your career. (gorilla leaves) Next. (a dog comes in) Ah. Mr Pattinson. Sit!
Oh, intercourse the penguin!
You stole it out of my body, didn’t you?
Now, here’s the meaning of life. Well, it’s nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites…