Good evening, last week we learned how to saw a lady in half. This week we’re going to learn how to saw a lady into three bits and dispose of the body…
No, not really, no she’s been going very well in training, and at Doncaster last week, and I fancy her very strongly for the Cheltenham weekend.
They’re a couple of little bastards. I hate 'em. They’ve got eyes like little pigs, just like their mother. She’s a disaster… a really horrible-looking person, she is. I thought that one would stay on the shelf, but along comes this stupid dentist git. He’s a real creepy little bastard, he is. I hate 'im.
Well, that’s about it for tonight, ladies and gentlemen, but remember if you’ve enjoyed watching the show just half as much as we’ve enjoyed doing it, then we’ve enjoyed it twice as much as you.
If you don’t care for your scalp, you get rabies. Then there’s Kenneth, he’s our youngest. Mind you, he’s a bit of a problem… at least my husband thinks he is, anyway.
Well, absolutely, and what makes it worse, sometimes at the end of a sentence I’ll come out with the wrong fusebox.
Mr. Neutron: This is a nice area.
Mr. Entrail: It’s like a bloody graveyard. I hate it.
Mr. Neutron: It’s handy for the shops and convenient for the West End.
Mr. Entrail: If you like going to the West End. I think it’s a stinking dump.
Do you want to come upstairs?..Oh! Or have you come to arrange a holiday?
Now, many of the medical profession are sceptical about my work. They point to my record of treatment of athlete’s foot sufferers - eighty-four dead, sixty-five severely wounded and twelve missing believed cured. But then, people laughed at Bob Hope, they laughed at my wife when she wrapped herself up in greaseproof paper and hopped into the Social Security office, but that doesn’t mean that Pasteur was wrong! Look, I’ll show you what I mean.
Mrs. Ottershaw never used to bother… then of course she was very old… she was 206! Well, must be going… if you need any help I’ll send Frank round. He could do with a bit of exercise, ha! ha! ha! ha!.. Fat old bastard.
He doesn’t give me any confidence at all - he’s obviously a dummy.
Oh, yes, sir. We’ve bombed a lot of places flat, sir.
Cyril Connolly?
No, semi-carnally.
Yes, please Mr Roosevelt, but try and keep the noise to a minimum.
Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
He’s the most brilliant man I ever met. We were in the CIA together. He’s retired now. He breeds rabbits up in the Yukon.
It’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles all over again.
Er… no… I’m… er… I’m… I’m from the ballet. The U.S. Government Ballet.
Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?
Oh, we had a marvelous time. It was Margot Fonteyn dancing Les Sylphides… oh, it was so beautiful…