Your Majesty is like a dose of clap.
Regards,
Shodan
We’ll have none of your imperialist tidbits.
I have a hat.
(See six posts above).
Splunge!
A duck!
One of Shaw’s!
Number ninety-eight: the nape of the neck.
Hello, good afternoon and welcome to the second leg of the Olympic final of the men’s Hide-and-Seek here in the heart of Britain’s London. We’ll be surfing in just a couple of moments from now, and there you can see the two competitors Francisco Huron the Paraguayan, who in this leg is the seeker (we see Francisco Huron darting about, looking behind things) and there’s the man he’ll be looking for … (we see Don Roberts practising hiding) our own Don Roberts from Hinckley in Leicestershire who, his trainer tells me, is at the height of his self-secreting form. And now in the first leg, which ended on Wednesday, Don succeeded in finding the Paraguayan in the new world record time of 11 years, 2 months, 26 days, 9 hours, 3 minutes, 27.4 seconds, in a sweetshop in Kilmarnock. And now they’re under starter’s orders.
I have a hat.
There seems to be no end to McTeagle’s poetic invention. ‘My new cheque book hasn’t arrived’ was followed up by the brilliantly allegorical ‘What’s twenty quid to the bloody Midland Bank?’ and, more recently, his prizewinning poem to the Arts Council: ‘Can you lend me a thousand quid?’
Henry Kissinger, I’ve been missin’ yer
You’re the doctor of my dreams,
With your crinkly hair and your glassy stare
And your Machiavellian schemes.
All right, so people say that you don’t care,
But you’ve got nicer legs than Hitler and bigger tits than Cher.
Henry Kissinger, how I’m missin’ yer
And wishing you were here.
I have a hat.
Hello, well you join us here in Paris just a few minutes before the start of today’s big event: the final of the Men’s-Being-Eaten-By-A-Crocodile event. I’m standing now by the crocodile pit where - - - AAAAAAHHHHH!
I come about your advert - ‘Small white pussy cat for sale. Excellent condition’.
African or European?
This is Mrs. Dudley. She had little hope of survival, she’d lost interest in life, but along came this very attractive mahogany frame, and now she’s a jolly comfortable Chesterfield.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - oh damn!
How tall are you, professor?
I’ve always said, There’s nothing an agnostic can’t do if he really doesn’t know whether he believes in anything or not.
I know, but they’ve got beautiful speaking voices, haven’t they?