There will now be a short intermission.
Does it come with wafers?
It’s my belief that these sheep are laborin’ under the misapprehension that they’re birds. Observe their be’avior. Take for a start the sheeps’ tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as… plummet.
There will now be a medium-sized intermission.
Well, while we’re waiting to take you back to Lord’s, we play you a recording of Alistair Cooke being attacked by a duck.
'Course it’s a good idea!
I’ve just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.
Not much of a cheese shop, is it, really?
At lunchtime it’s a bottle of vin ordinaire. Six glasses and he’s ready to start agitating.
Regards,
Mrs. Premise
Well, one day I was sitting at home threatening the kids, and I looked out of the hole in the wall and sees this tank drive up and one of Dinsdale’s boys gets out and he comes up, all nice and friendly-like, and says Dinsdale wants to have a talk with me. So he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape 'round to Dinsdale’s. And Dinsdale’s there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and a couple of film producers and a man they called “Kierkegaard,” who just sat there biting the heads off whippets, and Dinsdale said, “I hear you’ve been a naughty boy, Clement,” and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out, and I said, “My name’s not Clement,” and then he loses his temper and nails my head to the floor.
I hear you’ve been
Right, that’s it, we’re going in. Release the vicious dogs.
Why is it that nobody remembers the name of Johann Gambolputty… de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
LOL. That makes me laugh every time. Such a long name, followed by I think the shortest placename in Germany - to distinguish him from all the other Johann Gambolputty etc. etc. etc von Hautkopfts!
Moving on…
Dinsdale?
That’s all right sir, we get all sorts of lines in here. The head waiter will be along to abuse you in a few moments, and now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and commit suicide.
What a great punchline! Save it, and make it into a series.
Regards,
Shodan
Well, how about a little Red Leicester?
No. 1. The Larch. The… Larch.
Number two. The shoulder.
Hang on a tick - this redistribution of wealth’s trickier than I thought.