It is a most elusive fish!
But I didn’t have the mousse.
and it would follow me every where I would go!
You can see the join.
No… you don’t go as far as the table. You go into the room, right?.. on your right is the door to the orangery, straight ahead of you is the door to the library, and to your left is the sideboard.
Firstly, you must find… another shrubbery! Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
No, no. Look. This shed business – it doesn’t really matter. The sheds aren’t important. A few friends call me Two Sheds and that’s all there is to it. I wish you’d ask me about the music. Everybody talks about the sheds. They’ve got it out of proportion – I’m a composer. I’m going to get rid of the shed. I’m fed up with it!
No. 1.
Well, we knew as well as anyone that the monsoons were due, but the thing was, Ricky and I had just had a blow dry and rinse, and we couldn’t go out for a couple of days.
Are there any women here?
Well that was a bit of fun wasn’t it. Ha, ha, ha. And a special good evening to you. Not just an ordinary good evening like you get from all the other announcers, but a special good evening from me to you. Well, what have we got next? This is fun isn’t it. Look, I’m sorry if I’m interrupting anything that any of you may be doing at home, but I want you to think of me as an old queen. Friend, ha, ha, ha. Well, let’s see what we’ve got next. In a few moments ‘It’s A Tree’ and in the chair as usual is Arthur Tree, and starring in the show will be a host of star guests as his star guests. And then at 9.30 we’ve got another rollocking half hour of laughter-packed squalor with ‘Yes it’s the Sewage Farm Attendants’. And this week Dan falls into a vat of human dung with hilarious consequences. Ha, ha, ha. But now it’s the glittering world of show business with Arthur Tree…
Uh, oh, here comes that wacky queen again!
Yes. Janet … a quiet, shy girl. An honors graduate from Harvard University, American junior sprint record holder, ex-world skating champion, Nobel Prize winner, architect, novelist and surgeon. The girl who helped crack the Oppenheimer spy ring in 1947. She gave vital evidence to the Senate Narcotics Commission in 1958. She also helped to convict the woman at the chemist’s in 1961, and a year later she gave police information which led to the arrest of her postman. In October of that same year she secured the conviction of her gardener for bigamy and three months later personally led the police swoop on the couple next door. In 1967 she became suspicious of the man at the garage and it was her dogged perseverance and relentless enquiries that two years later finally secured his conviction for not having a license for his car radio. He was hanged at Leeds a year later despite the abolition of capital punishment and the public outcry. Also in Leeds that year, a local butcher was hanged for defaulting on mortgage repayments, and a Mr Jarvis was electrocuted for shouting in the corridor.
… The Larch.
Not so fast, Yakomoto. (trumpeters play a fanfare) Shut up! (fanfare stops) Allow me to introduce myself. I am Inspector Leopard of Scotland Yard, Special Fraud Film Director Squad.
Now, I’ve noticed a tendency for this program to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I’m not having things getting silly. Those last two sketches I did got very silly indeed. And that last one about the beds was even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do, except perhaps my wife and some of her friends. Oh yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that’s beside the point. Now, let’s have a good, clean, healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that… Ahhh yes, that’s better. Now let’s hope this doesn’t get silly.
Wink, wink.
Gimme the 'oop!
It’s a dead loss. We haven’t put anyone in a job since 1625.
But our sales would plummet!