Yes, you know, we find that nine out of ten British housewives can’t tell the difference between Whizzo butter and a dead crab.
You can catch it off lampposts.
Well, it’s five past nine and nearly time for six past nine. On BBC 2 now it’ll shortly be six and a half minutes past nine. Later on this evening it’ll be ten o’clock and at 10.30 we’ll be joining BBC 2 in time for 10.33, and don’t forget tomorrow when it’ll be 9.20. Those of you who missed 8.45 on Friday will be able to see it again this Friday at a quarter to nine. Now here is a time check. It’s six and a half minutes to the big green thing.
“It’s just gone 8 o’clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.”
(Penguin explodes)
“How did he know that was going to happen?”
“It was an inspired guess, and now…”
You see, what I really wanted was a regiment where I could be really quiet and have more time to myself to work with fabrics, and creating new concepts in interior design.
When you’re walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don’t come crying to me!
Dame Elsie Occluded, historian, wit, bon viveur, and rear half of the Johnson brothers…
Marriage counselor: And what is the name of your ravishing wife? (holds her hand) Wait. Don’t tell me. It’s something to do with moonlight - it goes with her eyes. It’s soft and gentle, warm and yielding, deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened like a tiny white rabbit.
Arthur Pewty: It’s Deidre.
Hello… no, not now…shtoom…shtoom…right…yes, we’ll have the watch ready for you at midnight…the watch…the Chinese watch…yes, right-oh, bye-bye…mother.
Oh Bevis! And I thought you were so rugged.
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do, and there ain’t no sense in runnin’. Now you gotta turn, and you gotta fight, and you gotta hold your head up high.
Silence, naughty lady of the night!
Wait for it!
You’ve injured Mr Stools!
What was that about hats, again?
Hello. I’d like to talk to you tonight about a minority group of people who have no mental or physical handicaps and, who, through no fault of their own, have never been deprived, and consequently are forced to live in conditions of extreme luxury.
Bit lumpy…Ah, no wonder, I was sitting on the cat.
Taking life as it comes, sharing the good things and the bad things, finding laughter and fun wherever they go - it is with these two happy-go-lucky rogues that our story begins. For it is they who were run over by Alex Diamond international crime fighter and playboy … fast-moving … tough-talking … and just one of the many hundreds of famous people who suffer from lumbago, the epidemic disease about which no one knows more than this man … Dr Emile Koning … doctor … surgeon … proctologist … and selfless fighter against human suffering, whose doorbell was the one above the hero of our story tonight … Rear-Admiral Humphrey De Vere! Yes! This is the story of Rear-Admiral Humphrey De Vere … or rather, the story of his daughter. For it was her courage, foresight and understanding that enabled us to probe beneath the sophisticated veneer of the Royal Arsenal Women’s College, Bagshot and learn the true story of this man … Len Hanky! Chiropodist, voyeur, hen-teaser.
Lemon curry?
We don’t have any books. We’re fresh out of them. Good morning!