Tell you what though, for free, terriers make lovely fish. I mean I could do that for you straight away. Legs off, fins on, stick a little pipe through the back of its neck so it can breathe, bit of gold paint, make good …
Have the new paper clips arrived, Enid?
I’ve got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
Look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left!
| Gaskell | Good evening all, my love. I have returned safe from the Low Countries. (she hurriedly hides the book she is reading under some knitting and starts whistling) What are thou reading, fair one? |
|---|---|
| Wife | Oh, 'tis nothing, husband. |
| Gaskell | I can see 'tis something. |
| Wife | 'Tis one of Shakespeare’s latest works. |
| Gaskell picks up the book and reads the title. | |
| Gaskell | Oh …‘Gay Boys in Bondage’ What, is’t - tragedy? Comedy? |
It’s only a model.
[Big foot splat]
Me heap big fan Cicely Courtneidge.
Yes. When Beethoven went deaf the mynah bird just used to mime.
Juuuuust remember that you’re standing on a planet that’s evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour
That’s orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it’s reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power
Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Well, that’s the end of the film. Now, here’s the meaning of life. Thank you, Brigitte. M-hmm. Well, it’s nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations, and, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which, it seems, is the only way, these days, to get the jaded, video-sated public off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment bollocks. What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats-- Where’s the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here’s the theme music. Goodnight.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Your Majesty is like a stream of bat’s piss.
Llamas are dangerous, so if you see one where people are swimming, you shout…
What are you thinking, giving a bomb to a baby?
I don't know it. They didn't say anything about a punchline.“Plug my organ in!”
“Ha - that’s a joke.”
Look, Mr. Wentworth said to come in here and say there was trouble at the mill.
Now, old woman – you are accused of heresy on three counts – heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action – four counts. Do you confess?