Did you see somebody go past the window?
It’s from the BBC. They want to know if I want to be in a sketch on telly.
Our chief weapon is surprise
He’s going to tell! He’s going to tell!
No. 1. The Larch. The… Larch.
Turn the paper over - turn the paper over keeping your eye on the camel, and paste down the edge of the sailor’s uniform, until the word ‘Maudling’ is almost totally obscured.
Hello, is that the fire brigade?
A path, a path!
Well, I’m afraid I shan’t be coming on your expedition sir, as I’ve absolutely no confidence in anyone involved in it.
Well it’s sort of ‘Ello squire, haven’t seen you for a bit, haven’t seen you for a bit either, Beryl. Two pints of wallop please, love. Still driving the Jensen then? Cheer up Jack it may never happen, what’s your poison then?’
I’m fed up with being treated like sheep. What’s the point of going abroad if you’re just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea - ‘Oh they don’t make it properly here, do they, not like at home’ - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney’s Red Barrel and calamaris and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White’s suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they ‘overdid it on the first day.’
But it’s my only line!
Are you the brain specialist?
My brain hurts!
Well last week on Fish Club we learnt how to sex a pike … and this week we’re going to learn how to feed a goldfish.
Right, well, off you go, then!
Your father was a Woman? Who was he?
I’m not.
I’m so tall! I am so tall!
Where is Porky? Here he is. What a funny little chap.