And now for something completely different…
Bad luck Genghis. Nice to have you on the show. And now here are the scores.
Well, I’m not surprised you didn’t get that. It was in fact a trick question. Coventry City have *never *won the FA Cup.
Oh, intercourse the penguin!
Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen… Uh, he’s already got one, you see?
St Stephan 29.9
Richard III 29.3
Jean D’arc 29.1
Marat 29.0
A. Lincoln (U.S of A) 28.2
G. Khan 28.1
King Edward VII 3.1
Well there you can see the scores now. St Stephen in the lead there with his stoning, then comes King Richard the Third at Bosworth Field, a grand death that, then the very lovely Jean d’Arc, then Marat in his bath - best of friends with Charlotte in the showers afterwards - then A. Lincoln of the U.S of A, a grand little chap that, and number six Genghis Khan, and the back marker King Edward the Seventh. Back to you, Wolfgang.
Thank you, Eddie. And now time for this week’s request death.For Mr and Mrs Violet Stebbings of 23 Wolverston Road, Hull, the death of Mr Bruce Foster of Guildford.
Kiss me, Hardy!
Well, that’s all from this edition of Blackmail. Join me next week, same time, same channel…Join me, two dogs, and a vicar, when we’ll be playing “Pedorasto”, the game for all the family. Thank you, thank you, thank you…
Let’s bring 'em out! Any old iron! Any old iron!
Oh blimey, how time flies. Sadly we are reaching the end of yet another programme and so it is finale time. We are proud to be bringing to you one of the evergreen bucket kickers. Yes, the wonderful death of the famous English Admiral Nelson.
Meanwhile in Washington, at the headquarters of ‘FEAR’–the Federal Egg Answering Room–in reality a front name for ‘FEEBLE’–the Free World Extra-Earthly Bodies Location and Extermination Centre… all was not well.
Strewth! Uuuaghh! (dies)
Don’t call us. We’ll call you.
Stuff the jam spoon!!
We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram’s bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark’s vomit.
It’s a fair cop, but society’s to blame.
Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad.
Flying Fox of the Yard!?!
You are hereby charged that you did wilfully take part in a strange sketch, that is, a skit, spoof, or humorous vignette of an unconventional nature with intent to cause grievous mental confusion to the Great British Public.
Ah - good evening everyone, and welcome to the second of our Italian language classes, in which we’ll be helping you brush up your Italian. Last week we started at the beginning, and we learnt the Italian for a ‘spoon’. Now, I wonder how many of you can remember what it was?