Monty Python non sequitur thread (Part 1)

Well, that’s what’s carved in the rock!

This couple is just one of the prizes in this year’s Police Raffle. Other prizes include two years for breaking and entering, a crate of search warrants, a ‘What’s all this then?’ T-shirt and a weekend for two with a skinhead of your own choice.

Dung, sir.

Nope, I’m afraid I’m not understanding banter at all well today.

Here at Luton it’s a three-cornered fight between Alan Jones - Sensible Party, in the middle; Tarquin Fin-tim-lim-bim-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F’tang-F’tang-Olè-Biscuitbarrel - Silly Party; and Kevin Phillips-Bong, the Slightly Silly candidate.

What, ridden on a horse?

Splunge!

Could you say it slower?

Please, let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who…

Oh, how am I ever going to pay for this?!

I think my wife is beginning to suspect.

And now: a letter, a hotel registration book, and a series of photographs, which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal proceedings for a company director in Bromsgrove. He’s a freemason, and a conservative M.P., so that’s 3,000 pounds please Mr. S… thank you… to stop us from revealing:

Your name,
The name of the three other people involved,
The youth organization to which they belonged, and
The shop where you bought the equipment!

What are you thinking, giving a bomb to a baby?

We wuz too late!

"I told him, Julie, don’t go. Don’t go Julie, I said but did he listen?

If I told him once, I’d told him a thousand times, "Julie, don’t go!

“Julie, don’t go,” I said. “It’s the Ides of March. Beware already.”

No, wait - um…?

Julius Caesar on an Aldis lamp! Wuthering Heights in semaphore!

Dinsdale…? Dinsdale…? DINSDALE!

I like Chinese!

Good morning, I am a bank robber. Er, please don’t panic, just hand over all your money.

Stand and deliver! I know one of my pistols is empty, but the other is still loaded, and I happen to be a very good shot. I practice every day!