A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do, and there ain’t no sense in runnin’. Now you gotta turn, and you gotta fight, and you gotta hold your head up high
Well I think customs men should be armed, so they can kill people carrying more than two hundred cigarettes.
Oh, be a dear and get me some rats’ bane for the budgie’s boil. Otherwise, I’ll put your eyes out.
I was just wondering whether it would be possible for me to join… the women’s army?
From the pulsating pages of history, from the dark and furious days of Imperial Rome we bring you a story that shattered the world! A tale so gripping that they said it could not he filmed. A unique event in cinema history! Julius Caesar on an Aldis lamp!
Hello, I’m your new vicar. Can I interest you in any encyclopedias?
Do you say it because you didn’t know?
Excuse me, but the record’s stuck- the record’s stuck- the record’s stuck- the record’s stuck-
…cord’s stuck-the record’s stuck-the rec…
Couldn’t we get a dog to foul the foot…
A duck!
What an eccentric performance.
I’d like to complain about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It’s high time something was done about it!
Cuidado, hay llamas!
Funny, you look much shorter than that to me. Are you slumped forward in your chair at all?
What about our sales?
The BBC would like to announce that the next scene is not considered suitable for family viewing. It contains scenes of violence, involving people’s heads and arms getting chopped off, their ears nailed to trees, and their toenails pulled out in slow motion. There are also scenes of naked women with floppy breasts, and also at one point you can see a pair of buttocks and there’s another bit where I’ll swear you can see everything, but my friend says it’s just the way he’s holding the spear.
And now… the naughty bits of a horse.
Yes! Policemen make wonderful friends. So if you are over six feet tall and would like a friend, a pen friend, in the police force, here is the address to write to: ‘Mrs Ena Frog, 8 Masonic Apron Street, Cowdenbeath’. Remember - policemen make wonderful friends. So write today and take advantage of our free officer. Thank you. And now for the next sketch.
Oh pantomime horse, that was wonderful.