Dear Sir, I’m sorry this letter is late, it should have come at the beginning of the program. Yours, Ivor Bigbottle, (age two).
…
Dear Sir, I object very strongly to that last scene, and to the next letter.
…
Dear Sir, I object to being objected to by the last letter, before my drift has become apparent. I spent many years in India during the last war and am now a part-time notice board in a prominent public school. Yours etc., Brigadier Zoe La Rue (deceased). PS Aghhh!
What if they’ve got a poin-ted stick?
We don’t want that, do we. Do you really want that cherry in your tea? Do you like doing this job?
Counselor: And what is the name of your ravishing wife? Wait. Don’t tell me - it’s something to do with moonlight - it goes with her eyes - it’s soft and gentle, warm and yielding, deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened like a tiny white rabbit
Arthur: It’s Deidre
I’ve fallen off my chair, Brian!
My brain hurts!
Shut up!
Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I’m being repressed!
Say no more!
You’ll never take me alive, copper!
I use an aftershave called Semprini.
Hello, good evening and welcome to Historical Impersonations. And we kick off tonight with Cardinal Richelieu and his impersonation of Petula Clark.
Shut up, I want to have a word with you, Frog.
I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night.
When the Piranhas left school they were called up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called ‘The Operation’. They would select a victim and then threaten to beat him up if he paid the so-called protection money. Four months later they started another operation which the called ‘The Other Operation’. In this racket they selected another victim and threatened not to beat him up if he didn’t pay them. One month later they hit upon ‘The Other Other Operation’. In this the victim was threatened that if he didn’t pay them, they would beat him up. This for the Piranha brothers was the turning point.
Oh, I’ve had such a morning in the High Court. I could stamp my little feet the way those QC’s carry on.
Albatross!
That’s a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough.
Right! One rabbit stew coming up!
I would tax Racquel Welch. I’ve a feeling she’d tax me.