Well I think televisions killed real entertainment. In the old days we used to make our own fun. At Christmas parties I used to strike myself on the head repeatedly with blunt instruments while crooning.
It’s….
For the purchasers of the cheaper version of this record:
it has already ended. For purchasers of the executive version,
there are three more minutes of this album. These three minutes
are introduced personally by Sir Kenneth Clarke.
When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
What an eccentric performance.
But it’s my only line! (Cries)
It’s only a model…
Sir Edwin get stuffed.
I’ve enjoyed it.
Well, there he goes, Ron Obvious of Neaps End, in an attempt which could make him the first man ever to eat an entire Anglican Cathedral.
Yes, yes. Now Mr Phipps, you do realize that the post of librarian carries with it certain very important responsibilities. I mean, there’s the selection of books, the record library, and the art gallery. Now it seems to me that your greatest disadvantage is your lack of professional experience … coupled with the fact that, uh, being a gorilla, you would tend to frighten people.
Dear Sir, I am over three thousand years old and would like to see any scene with two people in bed.
You’re fucking nicked, me old beauty!
And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one.
Well, er, yes Mr. Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humor, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy they are a positive boon.
Finest in the district!
That’s Inter-City Rail for you.
Bicycle Repair Man! But… how?
Sh! I think my wife is beginning to suspect something…
So, on the button…
I told 'em we’ve already got one!