Lambert, could you show these twenty good people the dog kennels, please?
Hello again, now here’s a little sketch by two boys from London town. They’ve been writing for three years and they’ve called this little number - here it is, it’s called - Restaurant sketch.
I have a cold shower every morning just before I go mad.
Er, well, Swann, Swann, there’s this house, there’s this house, and er, it’s in the morning, it’s in the morning - no, it’s the evening, in the evening and er, there’s a garden and er, this bloke comes in - bloke comes in - what’s his name - what’s his name, er just said it - big bloke - Swann, Swann
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust’s masterwork, so I’m going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.
Here to play Tchaikovsky’s first piano concerto in B Flat Minor is the world-famous soloist Sviatoslav Richter. During the performance he will escape from a sack, three padlocks and a pair of handcuffs.
(I’d never heard that song before I saw that sketch as a kid, and love it to this day!: monty Tchaikovsky’s first piano concerto in B Flat Minor is the world-famous soloist Sviatoslav Richter - Google Search)
What is he like in the ring, this human dynamo, this eighteen-stone bantam weight battering-ram? We asked his sparring partner and one-time childhood sweetheart, Maureen Spencer.
Hello, is that the fire brigade?
I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, But only when they’re green.
I’ve had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You’re not - Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!
Well I’ll go, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs. Ee ecky thump put wood in 'ole, muther.
All right, I confess, I’m a smuggler … This whole case is crammed full of Swiss watches and clocks. I’ve been purposely trying to deceive Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise. I’ve been a bloody fool.
I’ve soiled my armor.
Er… I forget my name for the moment but I am a merchant banker.
Oh good morning, ummm, do you want to come upstairs?
I thought he’d never ask.
But it’s my only line!
Shabby, Ken Shabby.
Well, it’s five past nine and nearly time for six past nine. On BBC 2 now it’ll shortly be six and a half minutes past nine. Later on this evening it’ll be ten o’clock and at 10.30 we’ll be joining BBC 2 in time for 10.33, and don’t forget tomorrow when it’ll be 9.20. Those of you who missed 8.45 on Friday will be able to see it again this Friday at a quarter to nine. Now here is a time check. It’s six and a half minutes to the big green thing.
Here! Don’t you start doing a documentary on us, young man.