Good morning, gentlemen. Uh, this is a twelve-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with all the advantages of modern design. Uhh, the tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these large containers
Oh blimey, how time flies. Sadly we are reaching the end of yet another programme and so it is finale time. We are proud to be bringing to you one of the evergreen bucket kickers. Yes, the wonderful death of the famous English Admiral Nelson.
What-ho, Squiffy.
I can’t tell the difference between Whizzo butter and this dead crab.
You try that around here, young man, and we’ll slit your face.
Oh my God! All right, thank you, Shirley.
For Mrs. Emma Hamilton of Nelson, a Scotsman on a horse.
I didn’t know there was a Basingstoke in Westphalia.
All right, settle down. Settle down… Now, before I begin the lesson, will those of you who are playing in the match this afternoon move your clothes down onto the lower peg immediately after lunch, before you write your letter home, if you’re not getting your hair cut, unless you’ve got a younger brother who is going out this weekend as the guest of another boy, in which case, collect his note before lunch, put it in your letter after you’ve had your hair cut, and make sure he moves your clothes down onto the lower peg for you.
We haven’t done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana.
Sixty-eight pounds ten shillings for a pair of gaiters?
What is a hen-teaser?
Did I call you ‘Eddie-baby’?
Yes! Whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by international communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!
Good evening, last week we learned how to saw a lady in half. This week we’re going to learn how to saw a lady into three bits and dispose of the body.
Yes! This is the story of Rear-Admiral Humphrey De Vere… or rather, the story of his daughter.
In 1945 Peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
Che cosa è lo succiacatori do polli?
I’m Brian, and so is my wife.
What do we mean by no, what do we mean by yes, what do we mean by no, no, no. Tonight Spectrum looks at the whole question of what is no. (The sixteen-ton weight falls on him.)