No it isn’t!
It’s f**king Christmas time again!
There’s a multitude out there!
We wish to praise the infant.
He’s not the Messiah!
He has given us food!
Do you mind? I can’t hear a word he’s saying.
Oh, you’re no fun anymore!
We’ve every facility here for dealing with people who are rich. We can deal with a blocked purse, we can drain private accounts and in the worst cases we can perform a total cashectomy, which is total removal of all moneys from the patient.
Last week the Royal Festival Hall saw the first performance of a new symphony by one of the world’s leading modern composers, Arthur ‘Two Sheds’ Jackson.
Mr. Notlob, there’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.
So, Mrs. Teal, send us 15 pounds, by return of post please, and your husband Trevor, and your lovely children Diane, Janice, and Juliet, need never know the name… of your LOVER IN BOLTON!
Bloody Romans.
What you’ve got a hold of there is an anteater.
Hey! Mrs. McWong’s been on the phone! The polar bear’s been in her garden again.
There is only me, sir.
All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Conjugate it!
Centurion. What’s this then? Romanes eunt domus ? ‘People called Romanes they go the house’?
Brian. It – it says ’Romans go home!’
Centurion. No it doesn’t. What’s Latin for ‘Roman’? Come on, come on!
Brian. Ahh! Romanus ?
Centurion. Goes like?
Brian. annus ?
Centurion. Vocative plural of annus is …?
Brian. anni ?
Centurion. Ro … ma … ni . eunt ? What is eunt ?
Brian. ‘Go’!
Centurion. Conjugate the verb ‘to go’.
Brian. Uh, ire . Uhh, eo, is it, imus, itis, eunt .
Centurion. So eunt is …
Brian. Uh, uh, third person plural, present indicative! ‘They go’.
Centurion. But ‘Romans go home’ is an order, so you must use the …
Brian. Aaaaahh, the imperative!
Centurion. Which is …
Brian. Uuumm, oh! um, i, i !
Centurion. How many Romans?
Brian. Aaahh plural, plural, ite, ite !
Centurion. i … te . domus ? Nominative? ‘Go home’, this is motion towards, isn’t it boy?
Brian. Uh, uh, dative!
[Centurion draws sword and holds it to Brian’s throat. ]
Brian. Oooohh, not dative, not the dative sir! No, ah, oh, the accusative, accusative! Uh, domum , sir! ad domum !
Centurion. Except that domus takes the …
Brian. The locative, sir!
Centurion. Which is?
Brian. domum !
Centurion. domum . dom … um . Understand?
Brian. Yes sir!
Centurion. Now write it out a hundred times.
Brian. Yes sir! Thank you sir, hail Caesar sir!
Centurion. Hail Caesar. And if it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll cut your balls off.
Brian. Oh, thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and everything sir!
It’s a fair cop, but society’s to blame.