Or a toad strangler.
If a bunch of people are squeezed into a small space (to sleep for example) they are stacked up like cord wood.
Also, I vote for “jerk a knot in your tail.”
Mississippi? That explains it. Y’all ain’t right over there… 
Aw, hey now, don’t be ugly!
That’s kinda hard since I’m already uglier than a mud fence.
Didn’t yo mama say “if you ain’t got nuthin’ nice to say, don’t say ennythin at awl?”
I thought of another one, if you want someone to stop and wait you say “Hold up!”
And “I’ll slap the taste right outta her mouth!”
@descamisado: How about showin’ out at the show?
Ah, I see. You want to live in a bar in Boston, one that has a proprietor who resembles Ted Danson.
Now that’s what I was talking about before. IS there a place in the South where people really say things like that? I mean outside of sit coms and comedy clubs. This is always attributed to Texans, but I never EVER heard anyone say anything like that in Texas.
I never heard anyone but my mother (born in Alabama) say this one in response to a distressing circumstance: “Don’t that make your ass crave turnip salad.” Somehow I always knew what she meant…
We say a lot of things like that, but not all the time and not all the ones you’ve mentioned.
Here’s a good one: Hornier than a two-peckered billygoat.
I’m glad someplace does. As much as I hated Texas, I’d always cringe when seeing portrayals like that and feel obliged to defend us as not saying stuff like that.
Defend it from what? A reputation for clever similes?
[confused] “I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my ass…”
“If x is y then my ass is a typewriter” (example: “If Liberace ain’t queer then my ass is a typewriter”).
[ugly] “That gal could snag lightnin’ from a clear blue sky”.
[reiteration] “Tell me I won’t.” (example: “You get the manager out here right now or I’m gonna snatch you baldheaded… tell me I won’t!”)
[disappointment/overrated] “____'s the biggest waste of time since Rock City”.
[fat] “Somebody tell’s him/her to haul ass it’d take two trips”
Alternate form: “Don’t let your alligator mouth write checks your hummin’bird ass can’t cash.”
[Overheard about a woman who remarried very soon after her husband’s death] “She didn’t let Oscar get stretched out good before she up and married Victor!”
[tastes great] “Put a bowl of this on your head your tongue’ll beat your brains out to get to it.”
[busy, overcommitted] “You got more piglets than you got teats/tits”
[skinny 1] “Looks like she traded legs with a jaybird and threw in her ass to boot”
[skinny 2] “Poor girl ain’t got enough ass to last her til tomorrow”
[skinny 3- male- abrupt weight loss] “My peter dropped into my watch pocket”
A very old joke (and note I said old, not funny) that I mention for a relevant reason:
Reason for the above: I’ve known several people who when they were driving if they witnessed an accident or a near accident or somebody driving crazy would say “Oh shit, wake up Willie…”
I’m in Alabama, and I don’t hear most of the goofy stuff in this thread. I hear “y’all” and “fixin to” and we do have a hose pipe in our back yard, but I’ve never known anybody to walk around making references to roosters or billygoat peckers. I’ve always lived in a city, though, so maybe this stuff is common in rural areas. But my dad grew up on a farm in Georgia, and I’ve never heard him use any of those expressions.
You’ve definitely missed out then Eleanor.
Sampiro reminded me of two more:
Fat kid with skinny legs: “Boy, you look like a turkey on toothpicks”.
Time to cut your losses and get out: “Even an ol’ hound dog knows when to cull some pups”.
I suspect that those who are from the South but haven’t heard these sayings probably grew up in cities or suburbs. I imagine these turns of phrase are more of a country/small town thing.
Yeah, I should add that mine basically all came from my father, born in 1934 and raised in a rural environment in NE Texas. Some I’ve heard elsewhere, but most of them are things I say based on what my old man said.
I still hear a lot of these from my hubby and his coworkers; we are technically in the suburbs here but it hasn’t been too long ago that this was very rural. My ex-husband also says many of these; his mother was raised before electricity and went to school in a one-room schoolhouse. His daddy was raised in West Virginia and didn’t go to school much at all.
Your youngest child is your “least child”.
A pine knot or chunk of wood with a lot of pine resin in it (good for starting fires) is “lighterd wood” or a “lighterd knot”.
Don’t go “borrowing trouble”.
If you come across a problem you have “plowed up a snake”.
That damn Sampiro is always flappin’ his gums about some fool thing or other. Quit your jaw-jackin’ boy, and get back to work.
There seem to be about half a dozen different names for those chunks of old resin-heavy pine. My dad always called it “rich pine” but more commonly it seems to be called “fatwood” or “fat pine.” I’ve also heard it called “lighter pine” or “lighter wood.”
You know how he is, that boy ain’t skeered of work. Why, he’ll lay down right next to it and go to sleep.