Who do you secretly have a crush on in pop culture, celebrity or fictional character, that you are only comfortable sharing here in the anonymous world of SDMB. I’ll go first.
No one knows that I am in love with Detective Munch of Law and Order: SVU. He’s just so cool! (i’m a 22 year old college student!)
When I was little, I had a huge crush on Maid Marian from Disney’s Robin Hood. Among the problems here… she’s a cartoon, she’s a fox (as in, the animal with the long tail), and she’s featured in one of Disney’s worst animated movies. In my defense, this movie came out when I was 5. Now that I’m 38, I am, of course, over this ridiculous attraction mostly.
Kari Byron from Mythbusters. Yeeee-ow, she’s really pretty, has a great smile and isn’t afraid to actually, you know, do stuff.
If we’re going all fictional, either Aeon Flux or the chick from the Land O’ Lakes butter box.
There are (and have been) plenty of wimmins, both celebrities and fictional, that I’ve lusted after over the years, but the one that has lasted the longest and the only one that has ever actually attained the status of a crush is… Bridget Fonda. I don’t really know what it is. From all accounts she seems dumber’n a box of hammers, but there’s something about her that puts me back in junior high, and she’s the girl that I always pass at her locker when I’m on my way to English class. She’s just so cute and normal-seeming and unattainable.
Maybe that’s not absurd enough.
I’m a 27-year-old woman from Cleveland and I have a crush/obsession with Sherlock Holmes as portrayed by Jeremy Brett.
Not only is Brett much older, gay, and very dead, but Holmes is a drug addict (er, usually), most possibly has some mild autism, almost completely devoid of human emotion and all around WEIRD…but yeah, I’d hit it.
David Hasselhoff.
::: flees thread in shame :::
Fran Drescher. Hot and sexy as all get-out, accent or no accent.
Conan O’Brien.
And Jimmy Pop Ali.
Freddie Mercury. Pretty absurd in light of the gay thing and the, ya know, dead thing, but I have lust in my heart for that man.
I’ve always been oddly attracted to the NBC peacock.
OK, I just made that one up—but what if?
In the “What in the hell???” could I be thinking department, I’ve recently added… CeCe Deville and Alice Cooper. I mean, the first I probably wouldn’t want to touch through some sort of decontamination suit and the second is just creepy in a golf sort of way, but still, I’d shudder (hehehehe) at the chance. 
Go figure.
Absurd? No sir - you just have very good taste.
I used to have a big crush on Ricki Lake back in 93-94 when her show was big. Lately, I’ve been crushing on Tanya Memme from A&E’s “Sell This House”. I’m not sure there’s a hotter woman on television.
Ha ha-you win! Or wait, should that be, you lose?
Keith Olbermann. He’s just so delightfully snarky and I love a man with glasses.
When I was twelve, Steve Martin was my first crush. I had *A Wild and Crazy Guy * on cassette tape and listened to it over and over on an old tape recorder.
My husband (Steve never found his way to me, I guess), Sam Stone, has an enduring crush on Belle from the animated Disney version of Beauty and the Beast.
Sequential thread alert!
Most absurd celebrity crush
Dead actresses
She died in 1985 before I’d even heard of her, but I’m still leaving the light on for Louise Brooks.
Is this the wrong time for me to point out that I look exactly like Alice Cooper?
Only if you can explain what it means to look “creepy in a golf sort of way.” Are there togs involved?
Crushes on animated characters do seem to be the height of absurdity, but that didn’t stop me from having my first big celebrity crush on Speed Racer when I was about six years old.
BTW, McNew, I haven’t forgiven Bridget Fonda for marrying my more current and slightly less absurd celebrity crush, Danny Elfman. Maybe we can work out a swap with them?
If I had a pair of tube socks to gag that oversized mouth with, I’d hit it everyday and twice on Sunday. Without the gag, I don’t think I could get it up.